I feel the heat...

Well here we are, on the cusp of August in South Texas.  To say the heat is here is quite the understatement.  I go outside for 10 minutes and need a shower and a new set of clothes.  After 5 years in this part of Texas, I have yet to really acclimate to the humidity.  I think my make-up has.  It stays on a little better.  I know a bit more about how to handle hair down here.  But sweat reaction to the humidity is the same today  as the day we arrived.  Sometimes I miss the dry heat of the Texas Panhandle more than I have words.  In other ways, I have learned to appreciate the moisture.  My skin feels good here, that's for sure.  All in all, heat is heat whether wet or dry and if you live in Texas, you feel it.

But I continue to feel a different kind of heat as well.  I have been saying for a while now, I can feel the hot breath of Satan.  I can.  I do.  It is real.  If anyone watches the news, you should feel it too. Whether your own life is in a mountain top season, the reality is Satan is roaming wildly and with vengeance.  I honestly don't understand how people can live in the realities that are all around us and question the idea of good verses evil and who is behind them both.  Some call me naive for my beliefs.  I say, to not see what I see.. that is naive.  To believe there is not spiritual warfare going on in every corner of this earth is the most obvious form of denial and being naive I have ever known. It perplexes me on a daily basis.

As I was praying about some things over the last week or two, I had a huge shift in perspective as I thought about that hot breath all around us.  The simple yet profound thinking shift, is helping me more than I could have imagined to have peace in certain things that have been hurting and bugging me.  And it led me back to the keyboard.  Man, I love to be led back to the keyboard!

I read a blog of a girl today.  She said, "if people say they don't care if people read their blog that is **** and she used a choice word.  I thought about that.  At first I was didn't agree.  I write because of how it sets me free.  I never know who all reads and I try really hard not to focus on finding out.  But then, I realized, I do care.  Not how many.  Not who. I will forever say I don't do this for the number of people.  But I realize I really  I do care who reads because ultimately it is about more than just for my own personal gain.  I do write this stuff down on a public forum, fully in hopes that something that has helped me, can somehow help someone else.

I can't even count the number of times God has helped me through someone else. When I buried my child, some of the greatest survival therapy I found was reading about others that were ahead of me in the survival of grief from losing their child.  When I am struggling with the difficulties of my oldest two adopted kids, hearing from others that have been down a hard path of reactive attachment disorders comforts me.  When I am celebrating the success of my son and daughter still at home, but fear things they will face in the future because of this world, words of parents dealing with those things whispers encouragement.  Many times, what I needed to hear most was received from someone that was willing to be raw and real.  God would touch me and draw me back to him through them. I realized today as I thought about that girls blog... though I don't agree with why she says her reasons for it are, that I agree in some aspect.  I do hope I have readers because I do hope that God is reaching hurting people in any way He can... including through me if He wants.

So back to the heat and being led back to the keyboard....

The revelation is huge.. but simple.  some of our biggest battles truly are a war against Satan.  He is here to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10).  He is cowardly near with his hot breath wanting to harm us and cause us to harm each other.  He works hard at it and if we aren't careful, he can be very, very effective at it!

But the last couple of weeks and the situations that I have struggled with, I realize are not from Satan.  Oh, I realize for sure, if I allow him, they will be used by him to do what he does (again see John 10:10).  But what I realize is God has brought these things into my journey so that I had to dig deep and determine why I feel what I feel, think what I think, and do what I do right now.  God is never satisfied with where we are.  He always wants more.  And you can bet He will bring the heat that is needed to refine us.  It isn't always an attack of the enemy. God brings the heat to refine us.  Sometimes it is brought through seeing us through an attack of the enemy.  Other times, it is circumstances that He sets up so we have to look deep at ourselves and work it out with Him alone.

The three particular circumstances that have occurred over the past week or so, have made me pause and reflect a lot.  I have had to determine things I feel and believe about my past, my present, and my future.  Where I have been, where I am now, and where am I headed.  I have had to determine what makes me, me. Things that felt hurtful or confusing have been allowed because God needed me to recheck myself in alignment with Him.

As I have done that very thing, it has been a reminder of grace, mercy, love, forgiveness, and hope.  It has been a confirmation that I am walking with Him and for Him not anything or anyone else.  Whether in my personal life or my job, my value is not defined by people or their opinions of me, but only by Him.  And in Him I am free.  I am free of past mistakes that are not me any more.  I am free of present pain that is not mine to own, and I am hopeful of all that is guaranteed to be mine one day as long as my heart belongs to Christ.

God brought the heat.  He isn't just allowing Satan's hot breath.  I really believe He is bringing it.  He was the one opening the doors for some testing of my confidence both personally and professionally and I think tomorrow, He will reveal it is Him again when I go to a doctor  appointment that feels a bit scary.  He is bringing heat to remind me that I can't do it alone. Not the good or the hard.  He is making sure all over again that I remember that it isn't even my battle. It isn't about me.  It isn't about someone else.  If I remember what I know in my heart,  It is always and only about Him.  If I keep that as my focus, the rest just melts away.

Faith.

Doesn't mean it won't be hard.  Doesn't mean I won't hurt. Certainly, it doesn't mean I won't question, feel insecure, or even scared.  It just means at the end of the day, even in all my fleshly struggles if I am keeping, as the old saying goes, "the Main thing, the Main thing," I will lay my head down to peace no matter.  Something quiet will stir gently in my heart and my flesh will surrender to the still small voice.

Texas Heat is hot.  God's heat is overwhelming and intense in the most amazing way.  I just have to keep looking. I have to keep listening.  Mostly, I have to keep remembering where I have been with God so that I can remember where it is we are going!.

The Main thing IS the Main Thing!

Robin