The Next Leg of the Journey...
So our dreams had shattered, the baby was gone, and the tumor loomed. What now? What were we to do? Everything until now had been simple. We had grown up well, lived well, fell in love well, married well, worked well, served Christ well... but now what.... this was not well! We wanted a baby but instead found a cancerous tumor that meant that baby might be the only one I ever carried. So what now?
For a while, the only thing was to work and come home and cry. It was a difficult thing to accept that it wasn't going to go the way I had dreamed since childhood. The crib was empty, the womb even more baren, and cancer for a young woman in her 20's was to farfetched to really grasp. So I worked and I cried... but somewhere along there, the whispers of Jesus grew louder until I came to a place where I understood what was taking place.
I was crying one day, sitting near the empty crib, and I heard Him. He spoke and I finally heard. In the trenches of my shattered dreams, my Savior spoke and my life was changed forever yet again. The question.... "Will you still choose me?" I remember thinking how crazy I was. Jesus knew I chose Him long ago. But still yet, it resounded in my soul... "Will you still choose me?" I didn't understand. He had been my Savior since I was a young child. He had seen me through teen rebellion, knowing whenver I tried to stray from Him, somehow, I was always drawn back. But the question came, "Will you still choose me?"
That day, tears streaming down my face, I spoke from my heart, "Yes Lord. I will still choose you. I don't understand. My heart is broken, but I will still choose you. You are my only hope." And from there, my walk with my Savior turned a corner and the foundational layer of my salvation was complete and Christ began the next level. He carried me through the sadness, the surgery, the dreaded news, and He planted hope.