Changes in the Air

Well here we are, the day before school begins.  Seems just yesterday we were getting out for summer!  I remember being a kid and feeling like the days were long and summer lasted forever!  Now, it's as if I went to sleep to yesterday being summer and today it being over.  Time and age are so strange! 

I haven't been able to blog about this, but I am excited (and a little sad) to share of some new beginnings taking place in our lives.  Since we moved down here, I have worked at a wonderful school, in a most wonderful job.  I have worked with some of the world's most precious children and with a staff of people that I have grown to love in a very real, precious way. 

But as we know, God works in different ways and timings and continues to stretch us and grow us.  So here I sit, the day before  a new year, being stretched and grown.

One of the blessings of my return to teaching was that God allowed the timing to occur when my youngest was starting kindergarten.  She has always maintained I went to school with her and not the other way around.  I say we went to school together.  :)  Some of my greatest blessings in life have been to be present in all of my children's lives as they grow up.  That involves being able to be in touch with them in their school day.  I am not a helicopter mom  (most of the time) and certainly don't want to be in every inch of their lives, but I do enjoy getting to be a part of taking them, picking them up, and catching glimpses into their school day.  I love to support those that are supporting my kids, and I cherish the memories of seeing their accomplishments along the way.

Where I have been teaching the last three years was not in our neighborhood. It wasn't far away, but the way our community is set up is in villages.  Each village has it's own school, own neighborhood pool, own park and etc.  It is all brought together by Town Center.  I love it.  Tree lined streets, winding, curving neighborhoods filled with culdesacs and horseshoe streets where children gather and play. It is awesome and we LOVE our street... minus one small problem.  My little girl who loves to play, doesn't know the kids or their families.  Because she doesn't go to school at her neighborhood campus, we haven't bridged the gap and made friends in the neighborhood. 

And this summer... the gap was clear. 

As a family, we prayed all through the month of June and made a decision together that it was time for her to attend her neighborhood school.  These were the kids that would feed into the middle school she will be attending.  These are the kids that are at the pool that is just down the street.  These are the kids just down the road that we wave at and smile at, but don't know well enough to know it's okay for her to head down and join.  It was a big decision, but once it was made, we were all peaceful. 

Until...

You know those moments when something just hits you between the eyes?  About 2 weeks after we made our decision for her, just that happened.  I was laying in bed, thinking about the decision and it hit me that if she goes to one elementary and I am at another, our schedules will exactly mirror each other... and I will miss it all.  I won't be able to take her... I have to be at school before she can be dropped off.  I won't be able to pick her up.  She gets out before me.  I won't be able to have lunch.  I only have a 30 minute lunch break.  I won't be able to pop into a party... my students will be having their own. 

I was devastated.  DEVASTATED.

I had been a stay home mom while all my others cycled through.  How could I miss all of these things with my last?  I couldn't stand it.  So, prayer began again. 

And God heard.

I looked online out of curiosity the next day, fully expecting to see nothing at her school at all, much less an opening in my field... my passion!  But there it was... a tayler-made position!  After more prayer and conversations with my principal where I was currently teaching, God opened the door to apply.  And then He opened it even wider when the job was explained.  And then He pinned it back as wide open as He could when the job was offered in only an phone conversation and not even a face to face meeting. 

So last week I began a new journey.  I have shed a lot of tears.  I loved where I was.  I loved the team I worked with.  I loved the staff.  But most of all, I LOVED my students.  They have my heart and it was hard to realize that by moving forward in this, I would be closing the door to my time with them.  I have grieved and grieved. 

My principal asked me to wait to make this public.  She wanted to do things a certain way, so I have been respecting her wishes.  It has been very hard as I wanted to reach out to the families and I wanted to share with many so that prayers could be going on for all involved.  But God knows and I trusted and just leaned in.

Now that the first week of staff return is complete, meet the teacher has occurred, I am gearing up for the new adventure of these amazing kiddos that will enter my life and my heart tomorrow.  I am going to be praying so much for my former students.  I am going to miss them and love them from now until always.  And I am going to be praying that the new teachers will love them as I have and grow them even further than I could have.  I want the BEST for them!  And I am going to try to do the very same for my new babies. 

I met them Friday.  I am in love.  IN LOVE.  It is amazing to me how the heart never gets too full.  It just continues to stretch and open wider for the new loves of our lives.  What joy!

And I will be walking into school with peace knowing I am there to experience the elementary years WITH my youngest, my sunshine after the rain,  as she too starts her new, big adventure.  And in that, I fall to my face in praise.  God heard my cries.... and He blessed. 

Oh praise Him!

Tomorrow my first-born-to me son will be sophomore!  WHAT?  He is getting all manly with this facial hair stuff showing up.  He is as handsome as I could have ever imagined when I used to look at his little chubby cheeks and try to imagine the future with him.  But his eyes stay caring and his heart tender and I am proud to send him off again with hope and expectancy of another great year.

My oldest from adoption is officially military. He isn't having a first day of school tomorrow!  WHAT???? He has joined the navy so that he can train to be a med corp.  What that means is he will be a medic and will be assigned to a marine unit, as they don't train their own.  He always planned to be a marine, but because of his goal to be a physical therapist, he found a way to do both, without compromising the long term goal.  We are so proud.  He had a rough road getting here, but he listens now... and he plans!  Miraculous healing from our Lord!  He has broken the generational curse of his pre-adoption!  PRAISE THE LORD!

Our sadness continues with our teen daughter.  She has not broken the curse of her pre-adoption years and I don't know when she will.  She seems to crave trouble and seems comfortable in the pain and chaos.  That scares me more than I have words to say.  Our journey remains quiet and protected as the situation remains scary with those she has tangled her life into, but we are trusting.  That's all we have.  We can do nothing else.  So we just trust... okay and cry and pray and beg and yell why.... but ultimately, we just wait and trust.

He has never failed us yet... He won't start now.

And then my Tuffy... oh how I miss him every single year as I get my kids ready.  What would he want to wear tomorrow?  What would he be excited most about doing?  What would he be complaining about?  Would he love science and hate reading?  Would he play music or throw a ball?  Those are the things I just will never know. 

I miss him.  So much. 

I wonder sometimes if people think it's time to stop talking about him.  Move on.  But the thing is... I have.  I have moved on.  Every single day.  But he was and IS my son.  He was and IS real.  And I will never forget.  Moving on doesn't mean it's gone.  It just means I accept life as it is, always knowing because of him, I cherish everything more... deeper... longer.  What a gift. 

Eathan, happy first day of school tomorrow.  Thanks for being my reminder to cherish the moments while I have them.  You are NOT forgotten.  And you never will be!  I close my eyes and see you.... feel you... wrapping those arms around me saying, "I Lu you Mama!" 

New adventures tomorrow... still touched by the sweetness of adventures already complete.

God bless you all in yours as well....

Robin