The Prairie Days are GONE!

I am a bit late in writing this.  We have had my sweet little nephew in town (he is 4) so we were quite occupied and enjoying every moment, as it will be a while before we see him again. Then, we prepared my youngest to head off to her first camp.  That will be an entirely different blog on a different day.  Man, time sure does fly!  But today, I wanted to pause and really reflect on something I touched on in my Ties of Grace - Sharing Faith in a Daily Way  facebook page, where I share daily devotions.  I mentioned last week of the tragedy in Aurora, CO.  I discussed how all tragedies of this nature really impact me (I can't even watch the daily news and not be upset over what seems to be daily murders in Houston), but how two in particular have really impacted me on a personal level.  I write this, not to glamorize the killings.  I feel sometimes that is what happens with the media.  Instead, I share because I believe these acts of violence are an obvious awareness that we need to be prepared in our daily lives.  This just isn't the "Little House on the Prairie" days anymore.

Is there anyone that was not affected by 9-11?  If people were old enough to process those events at all, I am certain all will agree, impact was made.  Life as we knew it was altered that day and still now, the changes that fateful day brought continue on.  We live in a much more guarded, reserved, suspicious climate as a result of that terrible day.  Everyone, from elementary school kids to adults, can remember what they were doing that day when they heard the news.  We were all devastated as we watched in horror as the events unfolded live before our eyes.  Tears began for people we didn't know and fear gripped the nation.  I was one of those that can attest to exactly where I was and I will never, ever forget just how horrifying the events were. 

Though my story holds no comparison to the many that faced that tragedy in NYC with the loss of their loved ones, I have a deeper understanding of the fear of it bringing personal loss.  I didn't have anyone in the Twin Towers.  I didn't have a friend or loved one on the first responders teams.  But what I did have, was my precious child in need of a surgery, with a medical device that was having to be flown in.  We were on a very short time frame for him to be able to wait  and suddenly, the plane that held his life-line was grounded.  The device could not be flown in! I remember laying in the hospital bed with my little fella and crying for NYC, but also crying for him.  I had no idea what would happen if that device didn't arrive.  It wasn't an option.  We had to have it... and yet, because of the larger scale of events taking place, all planes were grounded, including the medical one carrying our precious cargo.  It was horrifying on a whole different level for Todd and I because of the personal touch it had on our little boy that day.

We began to pray for NYC and all that was occurring, but I prayed even more desperately for my little boy.  We were blessed and prayers were answered as someone drove in the device to our hospital and though the surgery was quite delayed, he was able to receive what he needed in time.  As they brought him out of surgery and back to us, I remember crying so hard, wondering how many others, that the world would never even realize, were lost as a result of 9-11?  How many transplant patients didn't get their organs?  How many others were waiting on devices to arrive that were too far to drive in order to make it in time? 

I believe with all my heart, we really have no idea just how far the ripple of loss extended that day.  I don't think the world will ever really know every story of pain and anguish that terrifying day brought to far more than those directly affected in NYC.  I would have never forgotten that day no matter.  But with that personal touch, I truly ache with every mention of 9-11 on an emotional level.I felt a tiny touch of the fear that many felt that day, beyond just the horrifying scenes on TV.  It changed me beyond the outward effects of new security at airports and wands waving over me when I enter any large event. 

Fast forward now to Aurora and the terrible slaying of innocent lives at the midnight premiere of The Dark Night, just over a week ago.  I was up that night.  I wasn't at the premiere, but my son was.  It was the first night he had headed out at that time of night, in the car of another teenager, to share in the night with a group of teens.  The only adult with them was a 22-year-old intern at our church.  It was a great group of kids.  That I didn't worry about.  However, I sat on my couch that night and felt a deep urgency to pray and wait.  I didn't hesitate in letting him go, but I couldn't just go to sleep and assume all was well, knowing he was out there at that time of night with his great group of friends... and possible crazies.  I was so thankful when he text that the movie was over and he was on his way home.  He let me know they were dropping off a few others first, so I wouldn't be expecting him right away.  He arrived in just about the time I guesstimated and I was so thankful to have him home just after 3 AM.  They had a blast and created a memory that night of fun and excitement.  It's not easy letting them go, but it is necessary. 

I awoke sometime a couple of hours later to go to the restroom.  I was wide awake and frustrated, because I was so tired, yet wide awake, so I flipped on the TV... and the breaking news was being shown.  I sat there with my heart pounding, and instantly thanked God my own child was safe at home.  That could have happened anywhere.  It could have been my son's midnight premiere theater.  I was immediately humbled into prayers of thanksgiving for the safety of my son and his friends, but absolutely torn up for all those who were suddenly and tragically, without those they loved. 

And that is where I remain.  The news is lessening the coverage.  Stories are surfacing of some of the victims and many are still fighting for their very lives.  But because of the personal reaction I had, it stays fresh on my mind and my heart.  It weighs heavy on me that I am so thankful it wasn't my son, yet knowing it was someone else's son (or daughter), while also knowing all too well, how the death of your child changes you forever. 

And that leads me to the real point today.  This blog isn't the bad news blog! Tragedy in this world is very real and all of us have experienced or will experience our own in one form or another.  It is devastating, paralyzing, and we never fully know when it may hit.  The prairie days are long gone and as Aurora, NYC, Columbine High School, OKC bombing, Alabama, Iowa, Connecticut, Ft Hood, and sadly several others just on the larger scale of losses, not to mention the daily killings not on a mass scale of slayings, it is realistic to say, we just never know.  As a mom, there is a part of me that wants to wrap my family in bubble wrap, lock the doors and never leave.  I read just the other day, on Kissing The Frog, where a mom, much like myself, found herself trapped in a mall shooting with her children in tow.  We have no guarantee that a trip to the mall, the movie, or anywhere else for that matter, is not going to be assaulted by evil.  So what are we to do? 

I believe that out of all tragedy, beauty flows... beauty from ashes as the scripture claims (Isaiah 61:3).  Though nothing beautiful is found in the senseless acts of evil, beauty is found in the response of love and compassion that each of us feel towards those who are affected and hurting.  And I believe that it gives us all the more reason to long for our real home... heaven.  God has not forgotten us in this world of pain and sorrow.  He has not left us to go it alone.  He sent His very son, to feel all that we feel, and endure all the we endure, and die for our very sins, so that we could have comfort and hope.  What are we to do, in these times of more and more senseless violence and pain?  We are to run to Jesus, the One who understands, and we are to love others because of how He loved us. 

We are not to quit and give in like our human-ness would want us to.  We are not to hide under a rock and hope it all goes away.  We are not to avoid the world in hopes of safety.  We are to live and live fully, while running to Jesus all the while.  It is the only way.  Nothing else can every secure us.  We can't hide and escape far enough.  Evil roams the entire earth.  But we can nestle into our Father and trust that no matter what comes our way, He has us... and whether it goes well this side of heaven or that side of heaven, one way or another, if we are clinging to the promises of the cross, it will go well and joy will come in the morning! 

I am so sad for Aurora.  I am truly praying for the families of those that have lost so much and for those still fighting for their lives.  I haven't even been able to go see the movie.  I just can't shake the feelings surrounded by it.  But, I am living.  I am laughing.  And I allowing my kids to still go and do.  And I am trusting.  I am trusting that the more the world doesn't make sense, the more God does make sense.... and He is the only real assurance I have... one way or another. 

Glory to God in the Highest... even in the darkest pit on earth.... Glory to God in the Highest.  He loves us and will take us to glory with Him in His perfect time and way... our only job... to choose Him!

Robin