My response to the Trayvon Martin / Zimmerman Verdict

The tragic Trayvon Martin death. It's the topic everyone knows something about and everyone has some sort of opinion about.  Some are weighing in so heavily that it is almost as if they were the ones personally wronged.  Others are weighing in just to stir up trouble.  Many are weighing in fairly... just stating their opinion.  But the fact is, whether on media or in personal conversations, this is one of those cases that has the entire country discussing, one way or another. It is an emotionally charged case that the media has fueled into overdrive.  And it is heartbreaking.

I don't intend to make this entry about my opinions of the case.  I don't even begin to have enough evidence to make any kind of judgment on the case as far as guilt and innocence go.  I wasn't there. I wasn't in Trayvon Martin's shoes that night to know what it was he did.  I wasn't in Zimmerman's shoes to know what he did.  I didn't receive the 9-1-1 call.  I wasn't a neighbor who heard something.  All I have to go on is total hearsay... and I know that hearsay doesn't warrant my right to condemn either way. 

What I do intend to write about is my emotional reaction to something that has nothing to do with what the media and social outlets seem to be addressing.  I am going to write about the complete respect I have for both families that are involved. 

Before you write me off... and you have the right to do that... but first, hear what I have to say.  You might be surprised when you are done.  Maybe not.  But if you start to read on a topic like this, I think you should at least complete it before you determine to ignore my input.  I think if we all did that a little more... really heard others out... we might all find ourselves in a better place.

I am a white, middle-class American.  I do not know what it is like to have ancestors that suffered through cruel slavery.  I do not know what it is like to be stereotyped as a black man.  I don't know what it is like to be a mixed race being as much Hispanic as  white.   I don't know what it is like to suffer rejection based on skin color or culture.  When I read of things such as this, I am horrified and shocked that it really still takes place.  And sometimes, I feel like in a way it shifts against me at times.  Because I am a white girl that doesn't understand, it is sometimes assumed that because I don't understand, I don't care, or even worse, assumed I may share some of the same beliefs.  I do know how that stereotype feels and it hurts because it couldn't be further from the truth. 

I love people.  I don't love based on skin color or culture.  I love people based on people.  I am actually one of those people that finds myself drawn to people that aren't the same as me because I love flavor in life.  I love what everyone has to offer and how interesting that makes life.  Just because I am a white girl doesn't mean I have prejudice of people based on the shallow judgment of color or culture.  And I hate it when I feel stereotyped because of those that do.

Again, before that receives immediate judgment, please know I am not comparing the two.  I do not think that feeling sometimes stereotyped in with those that are snobs and ridiculous in my skin color range trumps or equals anyone else's sufferings at all.  I absolutely don't! I can't imagine knowing some of my relatives were hung in a tree simple for the color of their skin.  I can't imagine if people automatically assumed I was less than someone else because I came into this country from poverty in Mexico.  I can't imagine it because I haven't lived it.  And I know it must muster a deep sense of hurt.  I am so sorry.  I hate cruelty of any kind towards anyone.  If you know me, you know this of me.  I'm the girl standing in the ally begging people not to fight because Jesus wouldn't like it and being made fun of for it in 5th grade.  I'm the girl rescuing dogs off the street while risking my own life because I can't stand to see them suffer.  I hate cruelty and I can't imagine what some have been through.

But in the same respect, no one has lived my life either.  No one has felt what I feel in my heart when I hear those very same news stories.  No one understands what it is to be white and feel deep sorrow over a situation that is made to be racist and automatically, me being white is somehow shameful to others when the reality is I truly am broken hearted as much as the next person... no matter skin color or ethnicity.  It breaks my heart.  Not because I am suffering the same as someone else (why would I even want to have comparison in suffering?) but because I so long for a world that sees the problem for what it is... evil. Evil is what causes tragedy and suffering.  Evil is the problem.  Not skin color... of any race.

So while the world swirls around the issue of race, I am swirling around the issue of pain.  Not of my pain or those that are in the media being so aggressive and hate-filled, but the pain of two families.  One family who happens to be black and one family who happens to be a mixed white/Hispanic blend.  Both who were having a normal evening that fateful night when their two sons met up.  Both of which would give anything to erase that day from existence so their lives were as they were just the day before.

I want to start with Trayvon's parents.  I cannot imagine the phone call when it came.  I have buried a child, but I can't even begin to process the shock, pain, and sheer terror of finding out their beloved Trayvon was gone and the way he was taken.  The anger, pain, and suffering of their grief is beyond something I could begin to fathom.  I hurt so much for them.

And then it grew worse. 

Their pain was already encompassed with horror and then the media begins to rip apart their son.  They have to have every detail of his teen life sorted out on a national level for people to grab hold of as if all the details were present and fair to judge.  Yet, anyone with any sense at all, knows the media never fully covers all details.  They cover the ones that sensationalize the story they are pushing.  They call it telling the truth.  But as I have taught my children all their lives, partial truth is not truth at all.  Anyone can take a partial truth, twist it, and make it something totally different, which ultimately becomes a lie. 

I cannot tell you how much I grieved every time I heard some awful accusation of who he was and how he lived.  I wanted to shatter my TV and yell... "HE IS DEAD!  HIS PARENTS CAN HARDLY BREATH!  WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP!!!!!"  I have no doubt, Trayvon's life was treated cruelly in his death, on a national level. No one would want their worst shared on national TV when they die.  This family did not deserve that.  Whatever Trayvon's issues had been, his family has suffered enough.  He is dead.  What a cruel thing to do in the wake of that reality.

And because I do know the grief of life without your child, I am so full of respect for the way they have called for peace in the midst of the outcome, in spite of what must be incomprehensible pain.  Anger is a real and uncontrolled part of the grief process.  To be in the midst of the most devastating grief and be able to wish peace no matter what, sent my respect for them through the roof.  If anyone has a right to be angry right now, it is that family! But they have chosen peace.  My respect for them... not because they are black, but because of who they are proving to be in their character, is in full.  Thank you Martin family for pushing for peace in your darkest hour.  I know it wasn't easy. 

I do also have respect for the Zimmerman family.  I am not determining his innocence or guilt. My respect for that family is in the fact that they love their son/brother.  That is what my respect is about.  They have suffered great loss as well.  Not the same or even comparable to the loss the Martin's have suffered.  But again, as a mom that has laid a sweet beloved son to rest, I can tell you that even when it is not death, when your child's life is not as it should be, the suffering of a mother's heart is deep and difficult. They didn't choose their son's actions that night or any other night, any more than Trayvon's family did.  They are suffering and that breaks my heart as well. 

I do not for one second think any one of the Zimmerman family members, if they had any choice in this situation, would have chosen for George to shoot and kill Trayvon.  I can imagine the tears that mothers has shed knowing she will spend the rest of her life in the reality that her son killed a teenage boy.  Self defense arguments and skin color aside, that mom has to wake up every single day knowing her son took the life of another.  Any mom can say, deep devastation comes when you realize your child has made a choice that will cost them the rest of their lives.

I can tell you, as a mom, it is not easy to think of consequences that are life long for your child.  It is ugly and painful and suffocating in a totally different but very real way.  My adopted daughter is living in some realities I would never have chosen and it is hard every single day to think about.  That is George's mom. 

I would imagine she has questions.  Deep, dark questions that she can't bring herself to even ask out loud.  She wasn't there that night.  She doesn't know either exactly what occurred.  If even one time she has looked in the mirror and thought, "I wonder....", then her suffering is beyond comprehension.  No mom ever wants to have to question on any level, the actions of her child. 

But ultimately, her job is mom.  It isn't judge and jury.  And I respect her for standing with her son.  I suspect she would have stood with him if found guilty just as she will in the finding of innocence from the court.  I respect her for being able to get up every day and face this.  It cannot be easy for even one second to be George Zimmerman's mother.  It can't be easy to have that name at all.  The actions in one situation has damned an entire family and they, no matter what side of the fence anyone is on, are all completely innocent of this situation.  Yet they too will suffer for a lifetime.

Both of these moms and families have so much to try to live through for as long as they are on earth.  It is horrific beyond comprehension that Trayvon's mother now grieves what should have been for her son that will never be.  It is heavy on Zimmerman's mom that her son is behind the shot that brought that reality to another mom.  And it's all because a man, a teen, and a gun tangled. 

I guess for me, my heart doesn't turn to the facts and the motives of this situation.  My heart turns to the families.  I could care less what their skin color is.  I care about their hearts.  I hurt for all of them and I ache that this is a situation that may never become beautiful as my son's death has.  Part of what helped me to recover from the suffocating sadness, was the beautiful way I have experienced Jesus work in others lives and draw them to Him.  That has helped me every single day.

Trayvon's mom called for peace.  She stood strong on her faith.  What are we, in all of this racially charged hate, doing to a mom that just wants and needs to hold on to her faith?  And how different could her healing be if she knew her son's death had sparked a movement of love instead of hate?

The Martin's and the Zimmerman's have a hard road to walk in very different ways.  Both have truly had their lives changed, by no actions or choice of their own.  However, I truly know there is nothing that compares to the death of a child.  The Martin's will have so much more to endure as time goes on.  I ache at the thought of the day, on down the road, when Traci Martin wakes up and it really hits her.  It takes a while anyway in death.  But when you have been surrounded in the chaos of all the legal issues over this time, she has had so much to keep her mind busy.  At some point time will stand still for her and it will hit in a way she never could prepare. 

That makes me hurt in a way that is so personal, though I am in no way connected to this at all.  But I feel the hurt of it from my own grief.  It's the gift of empathy because of what I have lived.  Not what she has lived, but what I have lived.  And it is in that, where my reaction to all of this is found!  

I don't care what the skin color or cultures are.  I hurt.  If our world would start to realize many people feel this more than those that hate, we could love our way out of the racism.  I really believe that.  And I believe until we do we will continue to be a part of the problem rather than the solution.

Red, yellow, black, white, rainbow... we are all God's design.  According to facts, Jesus and I do not have the same skin color.  He was Jewish, not Caucasian. But I know.... I KNOW... if I were the only person on earth, He would have gone to the cross for me.  Skin color doesn't matter. 

This is a tragic situation.  And if I read the newspaper or watch the news, it is a tragedy that happens every single day.  People killing people for all kinds of reasons.  All of which lead to sadness and someone's excruciating loss.  When we choose to let opinions and hate be our reaction, we only breed more of what it is that is hurting us. 

But if we stop and think of people as just that... people... one day at a time, one little corner of our own little world at a time, love will win. I cannot make everyone believe that this white woman loves ALL people. And no one can make every other person love people not matter what color skin.  We just can't. 

All we can do is be responsible for ourselves.  We can love those we are given the chance to love.  We can look at our own hearts and analyze any prejudices we carry.  We all have them. They may not be about skin color or culture.  It may be the way someone smells.  It may be that they are related to someone that we have been hurt by.  So many different things in each of us to be worked out.  If we would just start there... with ourselves, then we could become affective at doing the very thing that needs to be done. 

Spewing hatred because of hatred only breeds hatred. Spewing love... sincere, Christ flowing love... breeds love no matter the hatred.  It will never be perfect.  We will always encounter ignorant people of all races and nationality because many will not walk in the love of Jesus.  But we don't have to join in.  That is the ultimate truth.

We have a choice.  I choose love.  I am a white, middle class woman... and I choose love.  Because love chose me.

I will pray for the family of Trayvon Martin.  I will pray for the family of George Zimmerman.  And I will pray for love.

Because love chose me!

Robin