I have waited all week to write about what I am about to share, simply because it has been such a point of personal, private praise in a season when I so needed it. I have sort of held onto it and cherished a bit. I have felt the urge to write all week, but kept waiting. Last night, the nudge from my friend made me smile because I knew it was time to sit and put my thoughts out there and see where God takes me as I do.
Before I jump right into that, I know many of you are reading right now, in hopes of further understanding for where things are with our situation. Unfortunately, that remains a point of quietness. I am not able to share much of anything at this time. What I can tell you is that we remain in a deep struggle with much left to face. Our lives have been turned upside down and our goal right now is to find another "new normal" as we have done through our tragedies before, while we walk through the things that are in our path. We have a long, painful road to travel.
I am so thankful for the written truth of Jesus the night in the garden before the betrayal he was soon to face that led to his torture and ultimate death on the cross. How precious it is to me right now to know that I am ok when I say "God please, if there is any way, take this from us." It isn't a lack of faith. It is just raw honesty. And Jesus did it. God in flesh, knowing what was about to occur, petitioned God and said, "Abba, Father,” he said,
“everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” (Mark 14:36 NIV). God in flesh asked for another way, but accepted God's will as the ultimate necessity.
I am trying to follow His example. I trust God. I hate this journey right now. And I am asking for relief. But, I know God personally and have been through enough with Him, to know that His will is better than my wants for the ultimate ending of GOOD. So... we wait... we hope... we trust... and yes, believe me, we cry out. And then we say, HOLY!
And then we watch for Him. Every day, especially in our sorrow and discouragements, we are watching for Him. It's our "pick-me-ups". And Sunday, I saw Him and it was beautiful. It touched my heart so deeply. I haven't shared with anyone just yet, how deeply. So, thanks to my friend, tonight is the night!
Sunday morning, I was struggling. My stomach has been all messed up. I have a weird stomach anyway, but sometimes it just really acts up. In the night Saturday, it began to give me fits and I was still dealing with it on Sunday morning. I didn't make it to our bible study class. That always bums me out. I love our discussions in there. But, my son was a part of the youth camp reflections service that morning and it is always such a special time so I was determined to make it to the 11:00 service. I am so glad I didn't let the stomach war decide. I am so glad... because I am so blessed.
The service was sweet. We saw highlights from the both the High School and Junior High camps. We heard powerful testimonies of what God had done. And we heard some of the message that God laid on them while they were at camp. I watched my son worship and then I bowed my head as he led our congregation in prayer. That alone was enough. I was blessed.
But God had just begun.
To keep from dragging this out too much, I will get to the point. God moved that morning and one of my friend's son was baptized. I was thrilled and blessed to be a part of seeing him be so excited and ready. I watched as he and his mom prayed and then he smiled ear to ear as he headed out to the outdoor baptism. It is always such a celebration to see a younger kiddo (he will be in 6th grade) come to Christ.
But it gets even sweeter.
I was totally humbled to watch a woman that had to be either in her 90's or mighty close to it, slowly and shakily make her way to the baptismal waters. I was overcome with emotion as I watched her slowly shuffle her feet, painfully and with three men helping her, climb the short stairs up to the water, then very unsteadily make her way down into the waters.
This woman blessed me more than she will ever know. I was overwhelmed. She stood there with this precious, tender stare as she looked into our pastor's eyes and I was overcome with the emotion as I watched such an amazing testament of surrender. After it was over, I looked at another friend that was there and she summed up my thoughts perfectly. She said, "talk about obedience". Kim nailed it in those three simple words. Talk about obedience.
Here is the woman preparing to be baptized... reminder: it is blurred because I don't have permission to share and want to be mindful and respectful...
As I have replayed that morning in my mind, I have been so touched and so convicted all at the same time. I witnessed God move in the heart of the very young and I watched God move in the heart of the very old. Both of them surrendered joyfully to openly proclaiming Him as their God and let nothing stand in their way. And the joy in their obedience melted away any difference in age, as this ageless existence was found in that joy. I want so much to be like Jesus, at his most desperate moment of crying out to God, "Abba, if there is any other way...." (my paraphrase).... and yet, He joyfully obeyed. He wasn't joyful at the pain, but he was joyful to do the Lord's will.
I want to be like Jesus. And I know that if I will just be like Jack and this sweet, sweet woman, I too will face very fear, every obstacle, with anticipation of what IS to come. My goodness, God met me more at the baptismal waters then possibly anyone else because He had me ready to hear... for He has allowed me to need to cry out. Isn't He amazing?
That's how it is with God. Through all the many things my husband and I have been through together we have come to see and know so personally, God truly prepares the way. As long as we trust and lean into Him, He works out what we need so that when the time comes for Him to speak, we are primed and prepared to hear and know that He is ever near. Man, I love Him!
I stated on my FB this morning, When you are hurting and all that is left is hope in Jesus, right then, peace that shouldn't be... is. That's how I have felt this week. That's how I have felt many times. When I found out I lost my baby and had a cancerous tumor... I felt it. When my son was burned... I felt it. When my precious Tuffy fell terminally ill... I felt it. When... when... when.... and right now.... I feel it.
It doesn't make the road easy and I can't pretend I don't gripe and cry and feel some major anger along the way. Boy, I do. But God is so gracious and loving and it is right in the middle of a "MY SEWER BACKED UP, MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER IS RUNNING A HIGH FEVER, NOW I HAVE A TUMMY ISSUE, AND I AM FEELING VERY ANGRY ABOUT THE ONGOING HURT WITH ALL THAT IS HAPPENING" tantrum, when God smiles on me and gives me something beautiful that shows me. "Robin, when all there is left is hope in Jesus, peace that shouldn't be found...is."
And He is right.
My prayer is that you know Him. I cannot imagine trying to make it through life on my own. And I cannot imagine any of you, with whatever you are facing, having to try to get through it alone either. If you don't know what it is that is getting me through, please, contact me. I want to share. He is real. He really is real. And when nothing else makes sense, He does.
Feeling peace in all the storms...
Robin
Before I
No comments:
Post a Comment