Even with dirt in my teeth....

I had a really tough night last night.  Details and reasons are less, but the fact is I was really struggling.  I am typically a person that loves to laugh and have fun.  I love to talk and share life in a big way, whether with my own little family at home, or with others God has brought into my life.  I had a great lunch yesterday with some precious people, but then it went downhill from there.  Reality just bites hard sometimes.  This season we are in bites hard.  So by last night, after more awareness of what we are really dealing with right now, I was not in a good place. 

God is so sweet.  He knew in His perfect timing, that we would need what He has given us through Seth being at Beach Retreat this week.  He knew for Seth, but He knew for us.  Each night, the awesome tech team, sets up a wonderful live feed and we get to sit in front of the computer and share in worship with the over 2100 kids from our church that is there.  Did you hear me?  TWENTY ONE HUNDRED!  God blew everyone away with the most kids ever to attend our church's camp for high schoolers.  Amazing.  JHigh will go next week, but I haven't heard their numbers yet.  I have a feeling they will have a huge amount too.  It's like God is just drawing kids to Him right now.  They promoted camp like any church would, but the draw of kids just came.  Kids are realizing they need God!  It is awesome.  So each night they are there, we are given an inside view of what is happening as they all gather in one room to share in worship and hearing of God's greatness and plans for their lives.  So right smack in the middle of my hard night, I was surrounded in beautiful worship that bridged the gap between Orange Beach Alabama and Houston.  My only complaint is that it didn't last long enough!

But then, I am not going to lie.  As soon as it was over... and I do mean as soon as it ended... I was struggling again.  Sometimes, even in beautiful worship, the realities stick around.  It isn't that God failed to erase them or that I didn't worship enough.  It goes back to that reality that God speaks of in scripture, "“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble....How the verse ends is the best part... "But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33.  My reality is even while I worship my Father, I am in the world, and therefore, I already know because He told me, I will have trouble.  So to walk away from a sweet time of worship with my son at his camp, doesn't mean the troubles went away.  It just meant the hope remains for the rest of what God was saying... HE HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD.  So in the middle of my downright bad day, God whispers... Hold on.  I HAVE overcome this too.  But... I will be honest.  I wasn't in a good place, even knowing that.  I fitted and fussed and walked around my little neighborhood just trying to breath. 

I finally settled in to accepting I couldn't "walk it off" last night so I went to bed.  Sometime into watching recordings on the DVR, I found sleep.  And I slept hard.  When I woke this morning to get my youngest ready for VBS, the cloud was still hanging, but it wasn't so thick.  I got her off to VBS and then read a message from a friend.  When I was writing her back, I found myself smiling about something that I didn't really even know I was going to dwell on so much.  It felt good to dwell on it, so much so that I decided it was worth more attention... and what better way than to blog. 

The wedding rings.  I haven't shared much about that side of things. I have been so sad that those would be the things that disappeared in this mess.  We didn't get Todd's back, but we got mine, though some of the diamonds were missing.  It has been a source of sadness.  I have very few true earthly treasures that I really feel is irreplaceable, but my wedding set is definitely one of them.  I've just been sick about them.  They haven't been the main focus in all the trauma, obviously, but still a source of sadness. 

This morning, when I was writing my friend back, I shared about the joy of those rings.  It's been a long time since I really focused on that amazing time in my life... young love.  Today, instead of spending more time blogging about the other things.  I want to share with you the story of my man and his amazing way of pledging his love.  What a fun thing to do in the middle of a very hard storm.  WARNING:  It could get mushy-gushy!  Read at your own sappy risk!

Todd and I fell in love simply, softly, and almost without notice.  We became friends my freshman year in college.  His friend was tutoring my friend.  I was be-bopping around taking pictures (yes, some things never change) and I snapped his picture when I popped in my friend's room.  I remember thinking, "He's a cutie".  But then I moved on.  A couple of weeks later, I saw him and went up to him.  I said, "I have a picture of you!" and that was the beginning.  Neither of us knew it for a long time, but that was the beginning.

He was dating someone else, I was dating someone else, but neither of us were in serious relationships.  We were just having fun, each of us dating people that were really more just our friends that we spent time with.  We would see each other from time to time, but nothing was evolving.  Until summer.  Both of us were free as birds when summer came and we started hanging out.  I loved being with Todd and his friends.  We just had fun.  We laughed a lot.  We did things I loved to do... we danced, we rode dirt bikes, we went to the lake.  We laughed... a lot.  We didn't date.  I didn't even have a clue I might be interested in him that way.  I just grew to love him as one of my most favorite people on earth. We talked all the time, sometimes into the wee hours of the morning on the phone, after having been hanging out a lot during the day. It was just so easy. I wasn't interested in getting into a deep relationship with anyone.  I was enjoying college and enjoying being free.  I was very focused on getting through college with a plan for at least a masters degree before I settled down.  But I had all the room in the world for friends and fun. 

In March of my sophomore year, we were still hanging out all the time.  On March 29th, which just happened to be his birthday, we went riding dirt bikes at the river.  We rode and rode.  I had dirt on every inch of my body... including caked in my teeth.  As the day was winding down, Todd asked if I wanted to go to dinner and a movie.  I agreed easily and we headed back from the river.  Somewhere between the river and my apartment, it hit me.  Todd didn't say anything about "everyone" going to dinner and a movie.  I realized this was not the typical Todd invite.  This was... dun..dun...dunnnn.... a DATE!  I freaked.  What in the world was he thinking?  We were friends! (He asked me out when I had dirt in my teeth.  That should have been a clue that this was good!) Suddenly I was dreading the night.  And... I couldn't find a THING to wear.  (That should have been another clue to me... but I missed it.  I was too busy freaking.)

Long story a little shorter, he picked me up, we were as awkward as could be all the way to the restaurant.  A situation occurred at the restaurant and I was ultra impressed with the natural way he stepped in and privately fixed what potentially would have been a very hurtful situation for a waitress. And I found myself thinking, "WHAT ARE THESE BUTTERFLIES ABOUT IN MY STOMACH?"  We talked a little more at ease, but still were struggling.  The thing that cured the awkward.... Todd fell up the stairs going in.. and down them leaving.  Anyone that knows me, knows one of my favorite things in life is to see a good fall (I don't want people hurt, but man falls are funny!)  I laughed all the way to the movies.  During the movies.  After the movies!  And by the time we were on our way to him taking me home, we were back to our fun-loving selves, only we were looking at each other differently. 

From there we were best friends that realized that we had already fallen in love.  The friendship we built was our courtship and we didn't even know it.  After that, we were just at ease.  It was clear so quickly after that, he was was the "one."  A year into dating, two years into the friendship, we knew we would be married.  We talked about our dreams together and we knew those dreams belonged together.  We talked marriage, but we had never looked at rings or the such, so I was no where near expecting a proposal anytime soon.  We passed our one year dating mark, were truly in young, but real love, and I knew life was good. 

But on April 7th (which by the way became the day God finally gave me my first child... post cancer... to be born from my own womb!  Isn't God's timing so cool?) it all changed.  Todd came to my apartment (the proposal night details will have to be for a different time) and in his nervousness of what he was about to surprise me with, I heard something drop on my kitchen floor.  Ding, ding, ching... I whirled around, as if it was so normal to recognize the sound of diamonds hitting the floor, and I suddenly knew what was about to happen!  He had this whole other plan of how to ask, but because he was nervously fiddling with the ring in his pocket and dropped it I knew right then, so he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.  I will never forget that moment. Ever.  He slipped the ring on and I said yes with more assurance than anything I had ever said yes to before except when I ran down the church isle at 9 to say yes to Jesus that beautiful Sunday morning. 

I found out later that Todd had been so precious in his planning.  He had gone to my parents, not once but twice (my dad was out of town on business the first time.  Can you imagine the stress that brought?) and had received their blessing for my hand in marriage.  He had shopped for the beautiful rings all on his own... no input from me at all.  He had planned the proposal.  The works.  Slipping the ring on my finger was the start of a beautiful life.  I haven't regretted it a single day.  Even when he is being... well... a MAN! :)  We were 21, young, but more ready for each other than we even knew at the time.  God had selected him for me and me for him when He created us, and He gave us the joy of finding each other young.  And He knew how much we were going to need each other and that foundation of friendship that begin before the realization of love kicked in. 

My wedding day, Todd looked at me when he slipped those rings onto my finger and made his pledges to me, and I knew then and haven't doubted it since, it was forever.  Those rings truly represent the beautiful gift I have been given in my husband.  He has been there for me and I for him, through so much... including now.  And those rings have been the outward symbol of what is ordained in heaven.  I truly cherish them.

It is very hard to know they are damaged.  It is painful.  But by focusing today on the reason they are so special, I am rejuvenated by the solidity of the marriage I have been given.  We can be stripped away of so much in the earthly sense, but again right now I am reminded, Satan can't get to the the things ordained from above.  Todd and I don't have a perfect marriage, but we have a perfect God in charge of us in our marriage and that means we really can make it through... even if, like my wedding rings, we are a bit beat up along the way.

So, I don't know if you have a love story.  Or if all you feel is beat up in whatever your journey is.  But please remember, earthly tarnish is really just refinement of the beautifully eternals.... so let's take heart. 

I will close with a scripture that I love...

But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
² When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
³ For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; 
What hope!

Robin