back on the curb!

1 Samuel 16:7  But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”


I have had a rough week  I really have.  I am always so extremely caught off guard when someone takes something that is purely innocent and somehow distorts it into something it wasn't, isn't, and never would be, and they don't rememeber my heart! Sometimes it is an in your face situation where you are having a conversation that you mean for good and are completely misunderstood and other times it can be in a way that is behind the back and so cowardly... which I think is because they know what they are actually doing is wrong and so not meant for good.  In the big scheme of the things that matter in my life, this situation is very small.  But in the moment and because I am human, it hurt to a very deep level.

But this morning, God got me out of "me zone" and back into His zone.  My and my youngest went and did our small part in trying to help hurting people around us not have to hurt quite so much.  After the car trouble that tried to derail the plans, we were able to make it to our destination and enjoyed a time together of serving Christ.  It was amazing all over again to me, how much doing simple things like that truly changes everything.  It slams that ridiculous situation back into it's proper place and solidified yet again, the heart of the matter is all that is important.  The HEART of the matter. 

You see, if I had gone to serve today, dragging my daughter up there in a grumbling spirit after having car issues almost get in the way, then it would have been pointless to go at all.  Matter of fact, it would have been better to have stayed home.  I would not be affective for the people around me, I would have set a horrible example for my daughter in what serving for Christ is really all about,  and most certainly would have no value to the Kingdom of God.  He could care less what I do, even if it is good, if my heart is not right! 

But just the same, through every thing I do that I do with the right heart, it is fully effective for His kingdom in spite of any and all that Satan tries to do to twist it or change it or interrupt it or demean it or disrespect it, especially when He does it through people who are outwardly presenting themselves as Christians yet their behavior is hurtful and destructive.  God sees where we are coming from in every situation we are in and He sees clearly through it all and straight into the heart, no matter our presentation on the outside. 

As I left the parking lot this afternoon, I had made new friends, had hugged on a hurting friend I didn't expect to see who has a son in the hospital yet again fighting severe diabetic issues, and was able to pray for total strangers who were so busy or so hardened in their hearts they wouldn't even slow down for a small child trying to serve Jesus.  I felt the burden of my sadness of one very small situation diminish and my heart rejuvenate for what it is I am about in this hurting world... my Jesus. 

God sees our hearts.  In every situation.  No matter what we use in the world to either display it authentically or  hide it in the camouflage of outward appearance, God never misses the heart.  So when we are wrong, He knows even if we think we justified our way through the circumstances and if we are right, He knows even if we feel someone missed it altogether.  I have always known that, but it is so refreshing when He reminds me all over again!

As I was in the middle of what was going on today while serving, I could sense God so near.  I could hear His workings taking place in my heart.  I could hear Him saying, "Robin, draw near to me!  Draw near to ME!"  As we left I turned on the radio to our favorite Christian music and let my little Dramatic Flair begin her typical concert of praise in the backseat, so that I could really reflect on what it was God was meaning by saying that to me.  I know He wants me always to draw near.  So why today, was that so heavily on my heart?

Then it hit... because I am such a passion driven person, things that are wrongs in the world, can sit so deeply on me if it is something I am passionately striving for God's blessings in, just as my own sin sits heavily until I get things squared away in repentance.  And when hurt comes and people disappoint, not even always necessarily to me personally, but circumstances around me, it is personal because I am so invested.  And every single time I am caught off guard, I spin a bit.  I become so sad and hurt because to me, it seems so clear.   How could they miss what seems so clear?  And suddenly, I am in a slight tailspin. 

God knows me better than I know myself.  He knew that due to some things, I was in a slight tailspin because it was so far off of what I was expecting.  He knows that when I know I am going into battle, I do well.  I am not afraid of battle... or the cost to me during battle that He has called. He knows that even when the battle is a surprise, I am willing to buckle down and trust in blind faith He has me.  But when the battle comes from inside a camp I am supposed to be battling with and not against, I spin because that brings a level or hurt that goes straight to the core of my soul.

Today, God met me in my slight tailspin and though I would like to convince myself (and even you that are reading this) that God was sweetly drawing me near to Him as a daddy would gather a child in His arms, that's not the reality.  The true reality  in His voice today was more in line with how I felt when my niece and I were walking towards a car when she was little and she darted out in the busy street before I could grab her. I snatched her back to safety and I assure you, it was not done in gentleness and concern for how she would feel in the moment.  It was done instinctively from a spirit of "You are stepping into danger!  GET BACK HERE!"

I am telling you, since Thursday, I have been in a real struggle and though I could feel myself getting discouraged, I wasn't doing what I needed to.  I mean I was praying and I was seeking, but while still sitting out in the danger zone... the "how can they not see the heart of this" confusion zone.  That place where your heart is still right but you are looking at the wrong things. So God snatched me back today while I was serving Him and his "Robin, draw near" voice was, "you do what I have you doing.  I will take care of all of that.  Your heart is right, but that is not where I want you treading.  You do what I laid on your heart to do.  Of course there will be oppression.  Of course people will misrepresent.  And of course sometimes it will come from within your own camp!  It is no secret the enemy is at work.  I was the One who warned you to be armored and ready, remember? So get back over here, get back to work, before I paddle your backside in a harsh way for trying to go where you don't belong.  That is MY battle."

Man, my hiney almost hurts just thinking about what would be the next step,  if I didn't get back to safety, NOW.  God, like all of us as parents, will not leave us to be where He has not called.  He has not made this situation open for me to battle at this time.  He has given me specific duties and responsibilities in that battle... and yes, He is fully responsible for the deep passions.  But I am not to carry the burden.  That is His.  And today, on the way to eat, while the concert of praise was going on in the backseat by my drama queen, I felt Him hug my spirit that reaffirmed He loved my heart and my passion, but that I needed to remember I can only battle correctly when He has prepared the way. 

God is so good!  I went and pigged out on Italian Salad, laughed at the conversations my Dramatic Flair and I shared that as always are so hysterical and yet so innocent, and felt relief.  I still feel sad.  I still know things will come again, but the poor choices of others aren't holding me down.  I like that.  And even more I love God for it.

I don't know how man has disappointed you today.  Maybe a marriage has failed.  A child has rebelled.  A coworker has wronged.  A dream has died.  Disease has come.  Or someone who was from your own camp has wronged you.  We all have something.  We can't control it and we can't make it go away.  It is called LIFE.  But, what we can do is continue to allow God to make our hearts right.  When we do that, He renews us and prepares us, and carries us through the big, the small, and everything in between.  Today, as always, I am humbly thankful for the God who loves me enough that I count in His amazing grandness!

God, I am letting you do your thing the way only You can anyway!  Thanks for the reminder! 

Back on the curb and out of the street....

Robin