Blogging...... it's what I do!

Well I have contained myself as long as I can stand it.  I had just blogged Saturday... and it was my typical lengthy type... so I refrained for a couple of days before returning to write yet again.  I read other blogs.  Seems many are able to say some really good things in a really short time.  I guess my finger tips work like my mouth... they never tire of "talking".  I'm sure that just gave some of you the RED LIGHT to hit the road if your time is short.  Sorry.  You will be missed.  But alas, I type on in spite of the weak at heart (okay and the short for time) because my heart just keeps having much to say.  I can't help it.  God is always teaching me new things and reminding me of old things.  So don't blame me... blame God!  I am sure He will chuckle with you, nodding that "yes, there could be a shorter way to tell this story".... like maybe starting with leaving off this chattering about that I am in the process of right now.  I mean really, most of you don't answer me anyway, yet here I sit talking to you as if you are actually in the room.  That could explain the length sometimes.  But whatever... it's just what I do, right?  Okay so back to why I really came here tonight....

I needed to tell you all that Todd is healed.  Fully and completely.  I know, I just posted on my facebook that I needed extra prayers for him this weekend to be sheilded from my little one's stomach bug.  I haven't forgotten that and I am ever grateful for all that prayed because in fact none of us contracted that nasty bug!  Whew!  And yes, the evidence to the eye would seem that Todd is far from healed.  He still has all the signs of that nasty infection lingering in his body, refusing to let go of its hold.  And if I am not careful I will get caught up in that all over again.  It is so easy to do.  I love him.  The doctors have said some hard stuff along the way.  So it is VERY easy to get caught up in what I can SEE going on.

But tonight, I just needed you all to know that he is healed IN SPITE of what I see.  Sunday, God met me in His house again, in such a personal way.  Others were there and apparently He was meeting many of them in a personal way as well, but He sat down in the chair by me, wrapped His arms around me, made me feel His presence so strongly I cried through out the entire service, and then whispered to my soul so beautifully that I was almost as tender towards Him as I was in my deepest grief when I was clinging to Him to help me just take my next breath.

We have been addressing the names of God the last few weeks.  He is Eloheim, our creator.  He is Eleyon, Sovereign God.  He is Ywh (YAWEH, but I like the Hebrew approuch of realizing Him to be so Holy they left the vowels out of His name because it was just too sacred to speak in full) my Jehovah. And Sunday, we worshipped the fact that He is Jehova Rapha... our HEALER! (There are MANY other WONDERFUL names of God... these have just been our focus right now.)  How many times have I called out to my JEHOVAH RAPHA?  And how many times has He shown Himself true and faithful?  Every single time.  EVERY single time!  Yes... as I have said over and over... even in Eathan's death, He was HEALER.

And Sunday, as I was already so tender, our pastor shared a story of his dear friends whose daughter has been battling cancer for over two years, went home to Jesus Friday morning.  He talked of how many think that death is the answer no.  But just as Todd and I have said many, many times through Eathan's death, the answer wasn't no!  It was a PERFECT yes!  And as I sat there and heard our pastor speak of this again, my heart just broke for those sweet people.  They know our God HEALED their hurting daughter.  No parent could ever ask for anything more.  But I know the pain it leaves in those of us that remain behind.  Knowing they are healed is so very glorious, but it doesn't take away the sting of death.  It just hurts.  And my heart, as one who has walked the path of saying goodbye to my beautiful three year old boy, knows the path that is ahead for them in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead.  I have no doubt they will continue to be thankful for their daughter's healing, but I know their pain will run deep for a long, long time.  It breaks my heart for them.

But that isn't where God really whispered. I already know that path.  I have already experienced Him so personally through the death of a child.  That was very familiar and brought such hurt in my heart for them, but it wasn't "eye opening" to me to remember that death is His ultimate healing. I hold on to that every single day.  And honestly, everyone, whether you have buried a child or not, feels the sadness for any family in loss.  It is a beautiful gift God has given to experience emotions the way we do.  So though that really pulled at my heart emotions, it wasn't the event of the day in my soul.  The event was sitting and there and being so tender to God even before that story, during that story, and after that story, that it was as if He was almost audibly saying, "ROBIN, I AM Jehova Rapha!  Remember me?  I have SHOWN you!  I AM Jehova Rapha... the HEALER! Remember me!  REMEMBER ME! When you struggle with the bondage your oldest two adopted children are in from their horrid beginnings... REMEMBER ME!  When you worry about your husband's seemingly unhealed infections.... REMEMBER ME!  When you worry over that upcoming neurology visit with your 13 year old who is so on fire for Jesus that you know Satan feels threatened by him... REMEMBER ME!  I AM Jehova Rapha!" 

As I sat there and heard Him over and over say, "REMEMBER ME!",   I became more and more and more tender towards what it was He was REALLY saying.  He was saying that Satan was after my weakness.  He is always going in for the "below the belt" hit! The Devil knows that I know the pain of the deepest loss a mother can feel.  He knows I never want to experience that kind of grief again, with a child or with my sweet husband.  He knows that when I love, I love deep, and that always comes with a cost, so he is absolutely trying to scare me into doubt and fear.  And as much as I remember God IS Jehova Rapha in all that He has already done, and as much as I truly do have faith in what He CAN do in His will and way, I felt like Sunday He was saying, "CLAIM IT!  EXCLAIM IT! CELEBRATE IT."  And I know that means even BEFORE I SEE it! 

So back to what I said.  Todd is healed.  MRSA ain't got nothing on God!  Satan ain't got nothing on God.  Nothing has nothing on God!  He is JEHOVA!  He is the HOLY ONE!  He is.... that's all there is to it!  He IS!  And I intend to live today remembering it and claiming it and exclaiming it and celebrating it!  What better place to start than right here... right now... with you all that take the time to read all the way through my lengthy ramblings of the heart! 

I have no doubt my sweet Tuffy lived exactly that! His every breath was lived in CELEBRATION.  I never saw his disease first.  I saw his JOY first.  And I intend to do everything I can to try to grow up to be just like that sweet boy of mine!  Want to come along for the ride?  I am telling you, he was living proof, its a good, good joy ride all the way! 

Have a need?  I would love to pray for you!  Post a comment, inbox me on facebook, send me an email.  And even if you don't, just know I am already asking God to do for you what He did for me... right now as you read this blog!

O!  Happy Day!  O Happy Day!  When YOU washed my sins away! O! Happy Day! Happy Day!

Robin