Nugget for the day... I have had a tough week. My husband is away with a new job, several house things have broken down, I had car trouble, and my heart is just feeling sick with him gone. We are meant to be together so when he is absent, things are just off-kelter. This morning I attended the baby dedication at our church. I sat and watched as these families all gathered for the soul purpose of dedicating their child to the Lord and I remembered all too well, when I was the mommy eager to make a public commitment to raising my child in the ways laid out by our loving Father in Heaven. And today, I remembered fresh again, that more than I am dedicating my child, I am dedicating myself.

I am to be his hands, feet, and voice to my children. I am to honor Him in everything I do with them and then allow the Holy Spirit to work through that to touch them personally and draw them to Him. I am to do that for my children and ever person I come in contact with. It is a great challenge and on days I fail miserably. Others, I feel I can be found pleasing. But it is a test every day, every moment. Thinking of that on my way home, I found myself sort of looking at a slide show in my mind of where we have been and where we are now. And that reflection always makes me dream of where we are going.

We have had a lot of tough stuff along the way. Losing Eathan, being at the very top of the board. But there are other things... adoption issues, health issues, and etc. that have compounded our journey into the simple, but complex adventure that is in the middle of playing out. At times, it is just overwhelming to try to understand how I can be who I am supposed to be for Christ. It seems like sometimes the walls close in and the struggle to breath gets difficult again. I was thinking about it on my way home and feeling very heavy. I want to be found faithful. I yearn for that. I live for that. And yet sometimes it is simply a daunting task!

But then I pulled in the driveway and there was my friend Jerod, bent over my son's fourwheeler with my son. I pulled on up and as I was, something flashed in my mind. I thought, "Robin, don't get so carried away in HOW... do what Eathan taught you to do... each moment." There was Jerod, to hear him talk, it is no big deal that he went to SEVEN places searching for the right chain for the fourwheeler. It is no big deal that he was out here for 2 hours this morning working on the fourwheeler, only to discover the guy had sold him the wrong size and it wasn't going to work. It was no big deal that several weeks ago, he pulled my son aside and said, "If, while your dad is gone, you need a ride somewhere or just want to hang out with a man, call me" and gave my son his number. But to our family, to me, to my son, and to my husband who is absolutely devastated to be missing daily life right now, it was the very hands of Jesus reaching out. Jerod and April don't see it that way, but that is how it is. They have realized the void is great with Todd gone and they are doing little things in their eyes that are absolutely gifts of gold in our lives and the end result is the touch of Jesus.

And as I was thinking all of that (which soared through my brain from the highway until I parked) I realized, Robin, your getting caught up in making it complicated again. It isn't complicated. You do what you can do, at that moment, in that day, for Jesus and those brought into your life by Jesus. You don't try to understand the hard stuff. You don't try to be perfect when it is difficult or easy. You just do what you CAN do in that moment, in that day, for Jesus.

That is what my son did. I remember one night, laying over the end of his bed just quietly crying in such deep grief. He was so sick. ICU had become our existence, and improvement wasn't coming. I had my bible open but was to grief stricken to focus. So I had just layed over the bible and was crying. Eathan was asleep, or so I thought, because I always tried to put on my strong face when he was up. But when he slept, all the emotions, the sadness and pain of a mommy's heart breaking for her ill son, would just overwhelm me at times. This was one of those times. I remember sobbing, and suddenly hearing, "I okay Mama." I looked up and he raised his chubby little arms and said, "Mere, Mama", while reaching for me to come to him. I leaned over into his little embrace and he said, "I lu you, Mama." He was so very sick, but he was comforting me. He was like that. He did what he could in the moment, in that day, for Jesus. And he never even realized because he was just acting in the love that was surrounding him from the presence of our Savior. It was that simple... but it was profound.

After Jerod left, I came in and checked the computer because April, Jerod's wife, let us know she has begun a blog to journal our newest mission... to run the Chicago Marathon for the cause of Africa. I sat and I read her blog, and today, even though things are still really hard, I am refreshed because my friends were the hands and feet of Jesus. And today, as I raise my children, face my mission of ministry, I want to be like Eathan.... and like Jerod and April. Simple things, deep love. Join me?

Til next post....

Robin