Okay... here is what I have learned... I am NEVER going to be able to tell the full story of my son in the way I had hoped on here. I just get started and that life I am living gets in the way and I find myself avoiding the blog because I can't do with it what I want. I have this deep yearning to share all the intimate, beautiful, amazing stories because it was a remarkable life he lived. A life that was well out of the ordinary in astonishing ways. And it is worthy to be told. But I can't sit and get it done. It would take me a lifetime to do it the way I have. So today I am starting a new way to tell.

I am going to sit and write a nugget of our lives every day.. a nugget of the now and a nugget of the then. If you like what you are reading... spread the word. Maybe then, a nugget at a time my son's life will live on and his death will continue to carry the promise of hope for each of us. That is my desire!

So here we go... my nugget for today, when you see something as a negative, if you look hard enough, much of the time you can find the hidden good thing dwelling right in the center of the difficult occurrence. A friend was dropping her daughter off at a dance class this morning. It is a very safe location with lots of mommies and daughters coming and going. It takes about 2 minutes to run the child in, set their bag down, and head back out. She made a choice to leave her car running, baby in the back, purse in the seat, and run her daughter in. When she returned less than two minutes later, her car was still running, the baby in the back, but her purse, Iphone, and personal information had vanished. And though she has much to deal with now... police report, identity protection, inconvenience of canceling credit cards, loss of money and phone.... she has much to be thankful for. The car was still there and the baby was safe inside. How different her day could have been were a different criminal in the parking lot today. Yes, the loss was big and could be costly, but by looking at the bigger picture and focusing in on the positive, the loss is really not a big deal after all.

Sometimes I get so busy watching a certain flame in the fires of my life, that I don't have a true picture of the actual fire. I get to sensing an overwhelming negative because the flame is so close and hot that I forget to step back and see that the fire is not as big as the flame wants me to think it is. Or maybe it is huge, but it hasn't completely destroyed all that is good. There is always something good left. I remember when fires hit a couple of summers back. Much farm land was lost, cattle herds were burned alive, and the devastation seemed so huge. Funny though, we could drive and look and right in the middle of all the damage, green could be found. Just a touch here or a touch there, but if we were looking for the green, it COULD be found. If we weren't careful, all we would have seen would be charred, black, and desolate. But by intentionally looking, we saw the green. Today, I am only one of thousands and thousands struggling with difficulties. I have a choice. Will I just look at them and see the desolation they appear to give or will I look for my green spots? When I begin to look, I find there are many and hope is reborn anew. I am looking! Look with me?

Eathan, my precious son gone home to Heaven, was like that. He always seemed to be a "green seeker". I don't know of anyone who suffered as much as he did. The pain was unbearable for me to watch, I can't imagine living it as he did. And yet, while I would be broken and almost defeated in the battle for his life, he would reach over in absolute perfect timing, pat my back when we were hugging with his little chubby hands, and say, "I okay Mama!" He would then lean back and grin a grin that seemed to tell a very different story of his life journey than the medical one being played out before my eyes. That grin seemed to say, "I have a green spot inside of me in spite of all of this." I would cry even harder, but always with a renewed hope. He would giggle in the pain and love us as if were the ones suffering the pain. It was as if his little tiny mind somehow understood that our pain was overwhelming because he was suffering, so he would prove to us there was much more going on than his physical disease. Through our son, we would be granted Hope that could only come from our father. Yes, Eathan always proved that if we look hard enough, we can find the green spot!

So, Monday is here again. Maybe it is the best day of your life. I sure hope so. Or maybe, like me, it is a tough day with some challenges you would prefer to avoid if you had the choice. Whatever it is... whether the green spot is huge, or you have to look really hard, I can tell you from experience today and from days past... it will be found! And the more you focus on it, the less you seem to notice the charred desolation of circumstances around you. Now that is the way to LIVE!

Until I ramble again...

Robin