My Praise from the heart....(Click here)
I have been praying and reflecting on an experience from a week ago, but haven't been able to bring it to writing because it was so precious and tender. But because of how precious it was, I had to sing.. I mean I HAD to... I was about to explode inside... and now I just have to write.
I have a sweet, dear friend that is in a horrific battle of cancer. She is from Russia and God brought her into my life last year. I have grown to love her as my own family. She is one of the most authentic, genuine people I have ever known. Her heart is very tender to the Lord and her actions reflect His love.
I was devastated to find out about her cancer... and the seriousness of it. I was even more broken to know of the aggressiveness of the treatments she is required to endure. She goes into the hospital every 3 weeks for 5 solid days of chemo. She suffers intensely for a week after, especially for 3 days when her fever spikes and she is so sick that even medicine doesn't help. Her mouth becomes so tender it hurts to move her tongue and she is helpless to even get out of bed. She said it is a bit terrifying when she is receiving the chemo because of "chemo brain." We have all heard of chemo brain, and I had another dear friend go through breast cancer last year, that struggled some with it. Hers however, is so bad that she said after the first couple of days of receiving the chemo, she can feel herself lose the ability to focus and think. She said she lays and stares at the ceiling and can't get her thoughts straight. She was teary eyed when speaking of this and said, "It is very terrifying to know that you cannot think for yourself in the midst of such as this." It hurt me so much to listen to her share. She never complains, and even this was not complaint. It was raw honesty with me as we are devoted prayer partners!
Beyond the treatments, however, She said the worst part of it all, is about her young son. Her husband is by her side during Chemo, but unfortunately, he is the soul provider so after she is out of the hospital, he has to leave to travel back to his job site. Because of that, during the time after that is most intense, she has to let her son stay with a dear older lady that God brought into her life to be her surrogate mom. Her own mom and dad are in Russia and in harvest season and cannot come or they would be without their livelihood for the next full year. She misses her son so much. So very, very much. I could feel her ache, it was so clear.
I will go the day before her treatments to pray and I will go after she is home and facing the shakes, fever, nausea, and illness beyond words. Many times she has to be taken back in to the ER during this. So I will go and we will pray to petition God to surround her, protect her, uphold her, and be ever, ever near her. I want to go more often, but she is so thoughtful even in her own pain, that she refuses to let me come more as she wants me to continue to live a blessed life with my own family. She says there is not much more that can be done and prayer is her greatest need and that I can do that from wherever I am.
Last week was my first day to go to her. She has withheld the information from me because she didn't want to interrupt my summer. I was so sad to hear that, but yet again, it demonstrates her care for others. We have texted through the summer, but I never knew. She said it was a whirlwind when it all started and she knew how special summers are for teachers. She is one of the most selfless people I have ever known.... and maybe a bit stubborn! I am so thankful that she has now opened up and invited me to come and pray in person. What a gift! Only, I had no idea just how much of a gift until I was there.
We have spent time together weekly through the year last year. We served children together at church on Wednesday evenings. I don't know what we had more fun with, the kids, or each other. In the summers, we take time off as the church does other fun things with kids, so that is how I had not known or seen her. But our connection was at the Lord's house and through texts and prayers via phone. I have missed her.
So when I headed to her home, I knew it would be a sweet, sweet time in Jesus and I requested through my facebook for whomever that was willing to join me in prayer at the time I would be in her home. I drove to her in anticipation of the Lord washing over her in peace. I never, ever dreamed how deeply He would wash over me.
When I arrived, she came to the door and it was shocking to see her. She was as beautiful as ever, but the effects of the chemo were strongly evident. She opened the door and motioned me in and asked me to give her 5 minutes longer, as she was on the phone with her mother. I sat quietly in her living room and cried as I heard her speaking in words I could not understand, but through emotions and tears they translated perfectly in understanding. It was heartbreaking to hear her crying with her Mom.
When she hung up, she came to me, shaky and emotional. I hugged her as deeply as a friend can hug and we cried for the first five minutes. Then, without warning, she lifted her head and pulled back and said, "Okay. I am better. I am sorry for tears, but I am better because of them." I told her tears were sometimes my greatest gift to myself.
And then she blew me away.
She said, "What you would like? Coffee or tea?" I adamantly refused and assured her I was not thirsty. She was having nothing to do with it. She said, "No, in Russia, we do not allow guests in that manner. In Russia, we have traditions and tonight I will honor those." I tried to get her to allow me to prepare the tea but again, she adamantly refused... in the most tender, gracious way. I could no longer argue. Unlike my usual nature, I sat and allowed her to do as she chose. It was painful to watch her struggle to pull the things she needed from the cabinets. But in some ways, as she did, she seemed stronger.
I understood. I remembered. When Eathan was so, so ill I craved normal. I would cherish those moments in my kitchen or cleaning my house between hospital stays, because it made me feel normal again. I missed normal.
So my precious friend made tea, and gather Russian cookies and desserts she wanted me to taste, she warmed a plate of food from her refrigerator that she insisted I help eat, as her neighbors had brought food that she was too sick to eat and she didn't want it to waste. And I sat. It was hard, but somehow so very beautiful. I fought tears and a lump in my throat the entire time.
I ate off of crystal plates and drank warm Russian tea out of a beautiful teacup. And my sick, sick friend and I had fellowship in the name of Jesus.
I tried to consume things quickly, knowing she needed to be in bed and eventually, it was evident it was necessary and could not be ignored any longer. I stood to take my dish and again was told no, not in a Russian home. She said it was an insult should I clear her table. It was the hardest thing for me, someone who prefers to serve, to walk away, especially knowing how sick she was. But I would never insult her... not ever, so I did.
Suddenly, the story of Jesus, Mary, and Martha came to mind. It was like the Lord said, "Robin, it is time to be Mary right now." Wow. Just wow!
We spent more time in rich, deep conversation. We looked at her Russian homeland and the beauty of her growing village. I learned more of her culture and we talked of the vast difference of the true Russia, verses the Russia portrayed in the movies of harsh, cold people. We agreed that people are people no matter where they are.
Time was fading for us though as she was growing more and more sick. We held hands and I prayed for her from the bottom of my heart. It was one of those prayers that I don't even know what I said, for I was so clinging to the Holy Spirit to intercede for me that I wasn't really thinking about words at all.
And we cried.
Walking out, was so very difficult. Leaving her alone to endure what was ahead... again... hurt so badly. I sat in my car, unable to drive for a few minutes and just thanked God for my sweet, Russian friend and continued to pray for Him to carry her. I asked him to be so near, that like the story I once read, she would look over and SEE Him sitting in a chair beside her bed.
We texted throughout the weekend and she said things like, "Thanks to God, your prayers are working. I have not had to go to ER." Then on Monday morning I received a text that said, "Our prayers were heard. I was not as sick this time! Thanks to God!" (I love how she says Thanks to God when we would say Thank God! It is like we are just making a statement and she is in the process of actually saying, 'Thanks Friend.'"
I go again this coming Wednesday before she starts her next round... and I cannot wait. I cannot wait!
Here is what I have been reminded of:
- Sometimes being Mary in a Martha world is just what we need
- Illness is always about something far more than the illness
- never think you can predict what will happen when God is involved
- hope is truly NOT in what is SEEN... ever
- Christ's love transcends culture, language, and continents
- Remember who you are not matter what you are facing (She served me as who she IS not what cancer is!)
- When you are most alone on earth, God is most near.
- Everyone should have a sweet, genuine, Russian friend
. There is hope.
Listen to the song again... the real version. It is GOOD! There is HOPE!
10,000 Reasons (Bless The Lord) Matt Redman
BLESS THE LORD OH MY SOUL!
Robin
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