I am living like Eathan tonight...

I was struggling to juggle my life again tonight and really feeling sad about a decision we made earlier today.  You see, I have the reigning champ for her grade for the science fair.  She has entered two years in a row and won two years in a row.  She was really ready to make it three.  But.  Then.  So.

We had some exciting ideas about 2 months ago.  We were brainstorming and planning.  I even bought the board.  But then life happened.  Pipes burst between our top floor and our bottom  floor and our house has been under major construction while work and activities carried on in the  midst.  Needless to say, time slipped by, a work place for creativity was buried under 18 feet of white dust, not a single piece of downstairs furniture was where it was meant to be... and the project plans remained just that... plans.

Though I hate to admit this, until this morning at school, I did not realize the science fair was this week.  I thought we had another week, which meant we had another weekend, which meant there was hope.  But after the kids having a 3 day weekend and us having a staff development day yesterday, Tuesday was the day it all came crashing back that THIS was the week.  I knew the date, but somehow last week, the 23rd seemed further away somehow.  Good grief Charlie Brown!

Now that does still leave a couple of days.  Some of our ideas we might could still pull off.... if.... IF.  If she didn't have an hour and a half of dance class.  If I didn't have in home training to provide for a sweet family.  If we didn't have a choir concert to attend.  If there were like a billion more hours in this day!  And tomorrow... well tomorrow is church.  We leave work and grab older kids and we are off.  It doesn't stop until we are home around 9:00.  Wednesdays are our mid-week joy... but mid-week late night for the kids.  So the way I figure it, about midnight tomorrow night we could get started.

It took the rationale of my main squeeze to say, "Robin, let it go.  It's not happening.  And it's okay."  He was the mature parent who used this as an opportunity to talk to our youngest about how she depends too much on me to keep things straight and next time, she needs to remind me sooner.  He talked to her about her responsibility in not waiting and about how if we do something we need to do it well. 

I just felt guilty and left him with his talk and went and grabbed a quick run with my friend.  (Okay, so I haven't ran in a long time and we have only been back at it a couple of weeks so it is more of a near death experience than a run, but those are details that are beside the point here, people!) When I got back, our daughter was as happy as could be and all was well.  I smiled and appeared to accept it, but it was nagging at me on the inside!  I am a teacher for goodness sake.... AND I am on the science committee at school!  This was just all wrong. 

I did my life-juggling act and was truly blessed by the events of the evening.  But the nagging was there. "You should have managed time better.  You should have started two months ago and been done with it.  You should have, you should have, you should have...."  But then God met me in my thoughts, right through my radio and here I sit again... amazed at His tender care in my life... even when it is through repremand.

I was driving home, processing the nags, when Bill Meyers came on the Christian radio station I listen to, 89.3 KSBJ.  And what did he have to say?  Something to the effects of  "sometimes we have to make the decisions to do less so that we are doing what we are doing well.  It needs to be about quality and not quantity."  I was instantly reminded of one of my most favorite scriptures, "Do EVERYTHING as if you are doing it for the Lord."  How instantly relieved I was of my guilt for not doing the project, but how instantly I was convicted of my consideration to do it in what would obviously be less than 100%.    I am so thankful for my godly husband who said in his wisdom, it was okay to not do everything all the time.  It was okay to have to say no, even to a school project.  And I am thankful for God then backing him up so clearly that I have to wonder if Todd didn't petition God to slap me between the eyes since it is much harder to argue with God! :)

So tonight, I will head to bed, free of guilt for the science project I just couldn't help accomplish this year, knowing because of that, I will be more able to focus on the things I have already committed to, such as sharing Jesus with children tomorrow night.  I will use this time to encourage my daughter to demonstrate joy and grace for whoever does their projects and enjoy seeing someone else earn that blue ribbon this year.  And I will celebrate the freedom that brings of letting something go that, this year  just had to go, and doing it guilt free.

Somehow, I feel like I am living like my Eathan tonight.  Many things we cannot help.  Many things are in the way of what we want life to be.  But by golly, get over it and get on!  If you miss out on something, that means you just gotta look for the blessing in what is next. 

Thanks Jesus.  Thanks Eathan.  And Thanks Todd..... I am blessed.

Robin