Courageous...

A couple of weeks ago we went to see the movie Courageous.  It is produced by the church that has made the other Christian movies, Facing the Giants and Love Dare.  I knew it would touch me.  The other movies did and I had heard it was excellent.  I had heard it was about Dads becoming who they are meant to be in the lives of their family.  I was excited to see it with a great group of adults from church, but beyond that, I was totally unprepared.  Totally.  And since then, I have had to take some time to get to a place where I could even blog on my experience because I didn't want it to be "all about me" in a "poor me" way, so to speak.  I have digested it over and over in my mind and in my heart.  All of it has truly settled in and today, after another great day with Jesus in His house, I am ready to share what it is I feel God is speaking to me in regards to my experience that day.

First and foremost, I want to address the issue it addresses in regards to our Fathers.  From my own experience, I was raised with the most wonderful Daddy.  He loved us unconditionally and he was devoted to us first and foremost.  There was never a doubt that the reason my daddy rose at 4:00 am every day and left for work before we even rolled over for the morning, was to provide for us.  But he didn't stop there.  His devotion shown clear when he came home every single night to be present at the dinner table.  His devotion continued when he would then load up whatever gear was needed, load me and my brother up, and he and my mom not only took us to our sports practices but were the coaches leading us.  His devotion shown bright when he did things like serve on the youth center board so that he could ensure our place to hang out for high school dances and etc. were safe, respectable places, where the kids activities were of moral and upstanding conduct.  His devotion radiated when he never missed a single event me or my brother was involved in.  He and my mom were always there, rooting us on... always.  I am not sure I could have started a race if I hadn't been able to look up and see my mom smiling and cheering and my dad, steady and quiet, giving me a nod that spoke more than if he had said ten thousand words.  He believed in me.  I knew it.  And not matter the outcome of whatever I was doing, I never doubted he always would.  I was blessed.  I know not all have that same experience.  But I did and now that I am an adult and see such heart ache all around with the ones that do not, I cherish my parents and my dad's strong, quiet presence that was fully engaged my whole entire life... even until now.  He is still MY daddy! 

And then I married Todd, my best friend.  Part of the reason I knew he was "the one" was how he interacted with my nephews.  There was a natural fathering to him that, even in college, I could tell he would be for my children what my daddy had been for me.  He works ridiculous hours to provide for us and to see us through every difficult season such as the overwhelming medical journey of our precious Eathan, but then every second he is not at his job, he is with us.  He isn't with buddies doing guy things. He is here, fully engaged in his children.  He loves them, prays for them, guides them, teases them, supports them, and cherishes them.  He is steady, consistent, dependable, and fully devoted.  Again, I am more than blessed.

But where it changes is as a teacher and children's minister.  I have been both and that is where the gravity of fatherhood... and in many ways... parenthood, becomes so clear.  Every day that I work with a large number of children, I am blessed to see hands on Dads, living the life they are called to live with their children.  But the reality of how many are not is overwhelming and gut wrenching.  And I can honestly say that I believe much of the increase in behavior difficulties arising in general education today is a lack of hands on parenting, especially the daddy's.  In some cases it cannot be helped... military, illness, or death, has disabled the father from his children.  But in many, many cases, it is choice... pure and simple.  That is when my heart aches and where this movie hit so heavy.  Children need their dads!  They need them to be hands on, loving, and most of all Godly.  They need to be taught how it feels to have an adoring father so that it is easier for them to grasp the incomprehensible grace of our Heavenly Father.  When the earthly daddy is missing in action, it makes our heavenly father all that more foreign to our children.  The commitment in this movie from the Fathers is what we need from every daddy walking on earth.  I can only imagine how our world would drastically change were it so. 

This movie made me celebrate my daddy and my husband who truly try to walk in the ways of the Lord.  It made me celebrate my husband's family and the men Todd had influencing his life to help him to know who he too should be.  But it broke my heart because, without giving too much away from the movie, so many dads make the choices to go the wrong path and the destruction to the child, as we see in this movie to the one, is so very real.  And then it becomes someone else's job to step in when the one that should have missed the mark.  Tragic on so many levels. 

But then, the thing that was most provoking for me and Todd is the portrayal this family goes through after a sudden tragedy comes to their family.  I found myself in the middle of what I have learned to term as "Freight Train Moments" in life after the death of a child.  It's those moments in time when, out of nowhere, you are suddenly plowed down emotionally as if a freight train came out of nowhere and took you out.  I haven't had one of those in a while, but watching this movie.... BOOM!  I found myself gasping for air and trying not to sob as loudly on the outside as I was inside. 

The tragedy comes out of nowhere for this family.  They are not prepared in any way for what they are about to face and it is clear, the creator of this movie either has personal experience with something like this or took a lot of time listening to God so he could get it right.  Much of what they portray is dead on.  The only thing lacking was the reality of how long it really does take to recover.  I was overtaken with grief sitting in the theater and couldn't get close enough to Todd, feeling as if somehow our own journey was right back at the beginning.  I could feel the grief come over me in that suffocating way that I hadn't felt in a long, long time.  It hurt. 

But the thing that is more than that, I was surrounded by Christian friends, one in particular that I had just spent time sharing some heart discussions with the night before, and I knew I was being prayed for.  I wasn't embarrassed or ashamed of my emotions because I knew I was with God's people and they understood. And that was so amazing to me.  Normally this would have been a movie we went to as a family or a couple.  But just a week before, a friend felt the need to suggest a group thing, and I can tell you, it was no coincidence because I think without them there, I might have left in a heavy place for the rest of the day and maybe even the week.  God orchestrated support for me to relive some very real, raw emotions.  The story was different.  The emotions portrayed not as graphic.  But, they were enough in the movie to project me straight into my most graphic memories of initial pain in my loss of my Tuffy.  But just like when it was happening, God knew before me what I would need and surrounded me in His love through others.  We walked out swollen eyed and smiling, thank you sweet and tender Lord!

As I reflected over it all, the thing that has most stood out to me, is more than what the movie was about.  I do believe that our men need to be courageous.  Their calling is large and we need their savage warrior for Christ leadership.  It is how they were created and how we were created.  But more personally,  what I left with that day is God never forgets.  Every tear really is collected... remembered... and cherished by our Father.  And just as much as He is there when the world knows we need Him to get through, He proved to me yet again through this precious afternoon with friends, He is there when no one knows how much we are going to need Him to get us through and He orchestrates the details of the day so that when it is said and done, we can lay our head on our pillow knowing "GOD DID THAT FOR ME!"  What great, great joy and celebration!  GOD DID THAT FOR ME!

If you haven't seen the movie.... GO!  Take your men.  Take your sons.  Take your Kleenex.  It starts off a bit slow and some have critiqued it as poor acting at times.  Ignore that.  That is the whispers of Satan trying to get your thoughts on things of the world instead of what God is up to.  Just ignore everything but your love of God and see if you don't walk away from that movie praising Him for how personal He is for you in it.  I believe my experience was mine.  I have no doubt everyone has walked away from it with their own experience.  But the thing is, it is based on the facts of His word, which is His living word of truth for our lives, and because of that, I am 100% confident, if you are opening your heart to Him, the Holy Spirit will do something very personal for you, as He did for me. 

And guess what.... though I cried hard and it is so difficult to remember how much pain I felt and still can feel over my sweet Eathan leaving earth, I stand firm in my joy because I celebrate that that sweet boy hurts no more!  And one day, I will wrap him up in my arms when I see him again and I will know all over again how absolutely worth every tear that child was and how blessed I am to be his mom.  And how thankful that makes me because I live in that reality here, where there are still hurts and it helps me keep the view I need while I raise my other gifts from God and walk in faith over their lives as well!  Every laughter, tear, joy, and sorrow, when laid at the cross, gives us more and more testimony of how easy it is to be courageous because the Courageous One is from where our strength does flow!

Amen and amen!

Loving you courageously tonight!

Robin