theif.... UGH!

Do you have any idea how many times I run around my house looking for my keys?  Or even worse, my phone, that sometimes ends up being in my HAND?  To be a pretty organized lady, my downfall is not laying my phone, my keys, or especially my glasses in one place.  And when I am looking for them, I could almost promise someone has picked them up because I just "know" I left them "right here!".  Anyone feel my pain? 

Went to church today and it rocked.  Heard more about Jeremiah, the "weeping" prophet, spent some time talking about guilt and how it plays out in lives of all people, both believers and unbelievers, and then heard a reminder of how amazing God is from the Psalms in "big church."  Both messages were refreshing... as usual.  Even though I am most always convicted of things I need to confess or work on in my life, still yet, the ultimate ending to what is received when the Word is spoken and read, is hope.  Got me to thinking...I know... SHOCKER!

Today's nugget of the day that hit me is how quick I am to blame Satan for stealing my joy, much like I am just certain someone moved my keys.  It is always "his" fault.  He threw another blow.  He hit below the belt...again.  And any of you that know us or our journey... know that is the truth... he has done that an awful lot.  However, as I was digesting the combination of messages God gave me today at church, something jumped up at me, right smack into my face, that wasn't even on the topic of discussions.  Why this surprises me, I don't know, because I know that God's word is ALIVE.  He has something personal to say through the bigger message presented.  Today my personal message was extremely potent.  BOOM!  So... here I sit.

Today, I have to confess! I have to admit I am a thief.  Like Satan, I am guilty of robbing joy, stealing peace, interrupting hope, sacrificing truth... I could go on I  regret, but I think you are getting the idea.  The rest I will leave for my time with God.  I didn't necessarily mean to.  I didn't set out to be that way.  And I would like to think it isn't the strongest part of who I am.  But, fact is, it's there and that is far too strong. 

I realized today as I was digesting some things on my own a few minutes ago, that while I am quick to admit and point at the serpent when things are rough, reality is, sometimes I am just as bad.  What?  As bad as THE serpent... satan?  With sadness I confess, yes... that bad.  Here is how.

When we visited the Psalms today, (Chapter 8 to be specific), I was reminded of how much more amazing is God than I reflect most all of the time.  I claim Him.  I recognize Him.  I praise Him, but really, do I truly spend my times understanding and proclaiming the depth of His amazement... of which I can't even fully grasp it is so majestic?  Nope.  Not at all.  I claim what I know are His promises.  I even try to live within the hope of those promises.  But then give me a blow, something that maybe is more an under the radar type issue than my child's illness or etc.  and suddenly I partner with Satan and begin my thievery.  It happens almost every day somehow.

Maybe it is a phone call that comes right after bible study.  BOOM!  Not the call I wanted.  Didn't like the news.  Suddenly I am back in a place of fear... almost instantly.  Maybe it is when I look in the mirror expecting to still see my fully in-shape, 16 year old body that I didn't know to appreciate when I had it, and grow instantly disappointed in who I am right now, physically.  BOOM!  Complaining and grumbling.  Maybe it is in the ongoing spiritual battles for my adopted children's bondage from their harsh start.  Seems to be so ongoing... without even knowing, doubt creeps in.  BOOM!

Without ever even meaning too, suddenly I am guilty of some of the worst sin of all... stealing my own promises over my life... from myself!  How is it that I know.. KNOW how amazing God is, how precious Jesus, the One and Only, is in captivating my heart, how remarkable the Holy Spirit is, who speaks daily to me when I am willing to listen, and yet BOOM!  What I hate satan most for, I find myself in the midst of.... thievery!

I tell you, the greatest battle I face every day (and I have to wonder if it is not yours as well) is not battling SATAN... it is battling MYSELF!  I have faith... no doubt about it.  I have hope... no question.  I have joy... exuding from within for sure.  But without even meaning too, I get down on satan's level and let my own thoughts become my own thief in the night. What a shame.  What a total shame.

But what is the difference, you might ask, between satan stealing my joy, and me stealing my own.  Well, it hit me today... that is so simple... and obvious.  The difference is... satan is the BOOM!  I am the reaction to the BOOM!  No matter how intentional I am about keeping my eyes on Christ, every single day, something has me looking "world view" rather than "Heaven view".  Satan can bring the BOOM, but only I decide how it affects me.  I have known that, but today, for some reason (that can only be given to the WORD being ALIVE and speaking directly to me in my heart from what did not come out in the messages at church) it hit that I truly am as deadly to myself as my greatest enemy at killing peace, hope, and joy. 

The bible talks so much about the little children.  He calls us to have the faith of a child.  He desires for the children to come to Him.  And I believe one of the reasons I most love that my whole world revolves around children is because God knows I need that clear picture in my face. I NEED it, because sometimes I am worse of an enemy for myself that the measly serpent I detest. 

When I think back to Eathan, I see the faith of a child.  I have written and written about it in this blog.  He had a peace that passed ALL understanding.  The doctors could deliver the worst news of all and crush my soul to pieces, but Eathan didn't bother with that.  His thoughts were on his joy in the moment.  Child-like faith.

When I think of my older two adopted children, some of my most precious moments were after we became a family and their past started to disappear and they began to embrace the new family God had given.  There were a few years in there for both of them, that they no longer worried of their past, nor rebelled against their present and future.  They just hung out in the peace and joy in the moments.  Child-like faith.

When I think of my biological children, I think of how both of them still seem to have a resounding sense of peace and joy that is much less inhibited by the things around them and more enhanced by what is inside of them. One reached the age of accountability very young and has been fully immersed in staying the course of that early faith and one is still residing in total child-like faith. 

And then there are the precious kids I teach.  I have so many levels of kids and so many different situations that they deal with.  Most all of them live in this beautiful place of being much less concerned about the things of this world than those of us around them.  It is powerful to me.  POWERFUL.  Child-like faith.

And then I am drawn back to myself.  BOOM!  Today's BOOM was straight from God.  As much as I am trying to live my life for Him, I have to slow down the bus and keep a close, close, close eye on me in EVERY moment.  Obviously, I have the bigger picture figured out.  I am HEAVEN BOUND because of GRACE through CHRIST.  And I even have the bigger picture figured out that I have to be armed and ready for attack from the enemy.  But today, God said BOOM!  "Robin, get yourself purposed to notice each and every single reaction of your day... good and bad.  Look closely child!  You understand I am here.  You understand and crave my protection.  I am giving it.  But child!  Though you have figured out to run to me in the big BOOMS he brings, you still have so much work to do in the smaller things... like what you see in the mirror.  Why, if I see Jesus, don't you when you look?"   Ouch.  Why DO I see the bad and not the GRACE.  OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! 

So my nugget of the day... like Eathan was almost perfect in doing, we must, must, must, recognize that not all of the attacks are from satan.... they are directly from our flesh, born into sin, but saved by grace.  We will never fully perfect our reactions and responses this side of heaven... or there would never have been a need for the cross... but we can sure make purposed intents to one situation at a time, grow more and more purposeful in owning what is our own reaction that is stealing the abundant life of blessings God has. 

Satan is after us.  Worst thief I know.  But man, I think our own flesh is running such a close second.  I get so armored up to defend against him, that I forget to arm up against my own nature.  BOOM!  My reaction today... Satan is taken care of.  He doesn't do one thing to me that God isn't already aware of and in His perfect way, defeating (no matter how it seems to me.)  And I am taken care of too.  God will let me have opportunities every single day to draw closer to reacting in faith not fear.  Today, I am going to remember to not be my worst thief of all. 

Peace!

Robin