Anticipation...

Anticipation.... that word has an array of meaning does it not?  It can be good.  It can be bad.  But either way it is a word that covers the reality of so many different thoughts and emotions.  It is a powerful word that encompasses so many highs and lows in life, does it not? 

It may involve the regret of telling your little one too soon of an exciting play date coming up and she asks you every 30 seconds, "Is it time to go?".  It could involve a swim meet where little ones new to the sport  is are in the water, half way down the lap lane, holding the rope and deciding that is as far as they prefer to travel in their swim that day (some of the CUTEST moments in swim league might I add!), so the world around them begin cheering  and waiting to see what they might do with genuine encouragement.  It could entail a business meeting for your spouse that could change the course of the path for your family.  It could cover the territory of waiting on rain in a terrible drought situation both back home and in your current residence.  It may comprise sitting in the waiting room while someone you love is in surgery or undergoing tests and awaiting the doctor or nurse letting you know that your loved one made it through just fine... or not.  Best of all it could (and should) embrace the reality of waiting on our REAL home in HEAVEN and the wonderment of how exactly we will arrive there...

Today, as I am praying for the youth coming home from camp, anticipation is at the TOP of my list of descriptive words today.  I can't wait to wrap my Mama Arms around the kiddos and hear all that God did in their lives while they were away... and apart from the rest of the world.  Even greater, I can't wait to hear how they plan to live it out as they come back home and rejoin the world God has called them to be IN but not OF!  The "after talks" are some of my most cherished moments as a mom of older kids.  I miss them like crazy, but actually love these weeks apart because there is always a renewed sense of communication and excitement to share! 

But as much as that is at the top of my list of anticipations this day, I have to say, that word has deeper meaning that goes further back, yet propels my every day forward.  The real meaning of that word, the truest understanding of all that Anticipation covers, began for me when I began to come out of shock and denial and started processing through the tedious task of the grief journey.  In the days that death became a painful sting and my reality began to understand it was real and permanent this side of heaven, my heart became and out of control beating vessel of anticipation for Heaven.  I went from the desires to see and experience all that I have planned this side of heaven, to literally dreaming of that side of Heaven.  I found myself craving Heaven... and understanding what people meant and what the word means when it says our REAL home.  My son going BEFORE me (so un-natural in OUR plans for life) propelled me into a longing for my Savior and my beautiful homecoming, as never before... and I can honestly say, not a day since, have I ever had the same desires on earth.

Don't get me wrong... I cherish all the milestones!  I am thankful for every day that passes and for every grade completed in my kids growing and changing far to fast.  Though it breaks my heart that I have THREE now in the High School realm and one still in First grade.... (Sorry, she can't be a second grader until school begins... Elementary School law... look it up!  I am sure it's in a code book somewhere!) , how grateful I am that they made it knowing Eathan never will.  Those things are constant in my thoughts.  I want to see who they will become, who their spouses will be, what they will do, how many precious grandchildren I will enjoy.  I desire ALL of that like I always have!

But the thing that changed that I never would have experienced were it not for God growing me through letting go of Eathan this side of Heaven is I would GLADLY miss all those milestones to go ahead and start our eternity in Heaven today.  THAT is the drastic and almost scary thing inside of me that freaks even me out when I really think about what that means.  I have this constant vision of Eathan's face when he passed from this earth.  The peace and beauty that was etched permanently into my mind from the moment I realized Jesus had rescued him from Earth is something I go to so many times a day... and I crave that feeling I saw on his face.  I want it.  I need it.  And I have learned it just can't be found here.  It IS NOT HERE!  It is only found when headed HOME!  But because of it, I have grown to know that as much as I cherish the memories and the milestones in this life, it would be so much better to share things in Heaven.

My adopted children's baggage from their cruel start in life would be gone... in an instant... along with the rebellion and poor choices that result from their difficult beginnings pre-adoption (read earlier posts if this makes no sense.  I have a mix of kids... some adopted, some biological.  All loved and born straight from my heart... but the oldest two struggle with adopting us back.  They hold on to their past as a crutch and an excuse for poor choices in life... even though it has been 12 years ago that God pulled them from their past and planted them in His will for their future). I believe the word that tells me that if I raise them in the way tey are to go, when they are old they will not part from it.  What that tells me is that God will reach them... and they will respond... even if it is in just the nick of time. 

I tend to think of the thief on the cross when I think of my adopted kids and their rebellion.  It may not happen in the timing I choose, but I have faith that like the thief, at some moment, they will truly begin to understand their path and will call out to Christ...  In Luke 23:38-43 it says, "There was a written notice above him, which read: THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS. 39 One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!” 40 But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? 41 We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” 42 Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.[a]” 43 Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” I am ready for that... and if it means in the nick of time... I am ready!

And in an instant, if my REAL home adventure could begin today, disease would end, fear would vanish, hurting would disappear, pain would erase, anger would heal, betrayal would dissipate, disappointment would cease, and JOY! UNTHINKABLE JOY! would erupt!  I would stop wondering about the hows and whens and whys and I would see Jesus... and right with him would be my Eathan.  My WHOLE family... all of us... would be together!  All of my children... together, healed, perfect, and peaceful! And I would look around and see it for all those that like me, understand the need for Jesus is real and vital to all of our eternity.  I would see nothing but that face of Eathan on every single face I see... and I would hear the sounds my heart can hardly stand to imagine of the "HOLY HOLY HOLY" praises rising up in such a sound of majestic beauty that any sound or song before would no longer even be a recollection! 

Okay, I could get carried away... I think my heaven ideas are for a whole different blog day.  For today, can I just say, anticipation is SHARP and rising!  I have asked for those on my FB to send words of biblical encouragement along to Seth's phone.  His heart is ripe and ready to receive.  The decisions he makes and how he makes them, shows me that Seth too understands what life is really all about and I have no doubt, he will come home profoundly impacted yet again, from His time away with God.  He sees what his older sibling do in their rebellion against God's will for their lives.  He lives as we do with the reality that Eathan has gone home (they were the best of friends).  And though he is a teen through and through... that boy is set apart.  Not because he is any more special than any other, but because he embraces the plan that is there for the taking.  He reaches back to the One who reaches perfectly! 

What are you anticipating today?  Test results?  Let downs from friends..Family... Co-workers..Neighbors.. Children?  Life has them all.... they are thrown left and right.  Being prepared for them is good.  Jesus said, "I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble. But be brave! I have defeated the world!" (ERV) We need to anticipate the things that might come our way, but only with the HOPE in the promise that Jesus tells us, "I HAVE DEFEATED THE WORLD!"  Other translations say overcome.  I like DEFEATED.  It's over... before trouble ever begins.  If we walk in that... WOW!  Now that is something to anticipate!

Now I am going to anticipate myself right on over to some bible study!

Look for Heaven in your troubles today... IT'S COMING!

Robin