It really isn't funny, but the way I see it, life is short, life has problems, and the more we seek to be like Jesus, the more that pest-of-a-devil named Satan gets aggravated and tries to bring it more. I can't control all the circumstances, but I can sure control my response. Tonight I am choosing not to combust, but instead to make humor about combusting... or the avoidance there of. So, I decided I would take a little time and share some ideas I have that could possibly make things not so... well... combustible. Many, I learned from the best of the best... my little Tuffy. If anybody had reason to complain it was that little fella, but he just got more ornery, mischievous, and precious beyond words. He showed me some good things. Tonight, I may try them all.... read on if you are curious....
* Tonight, I may not eat one single thing besides M&M's. That little guy new that life was short so he just refused to eat anything but the delectable morsels of candy coated chocolate. Couldn't make him. Couldn't bribe him. Stick a tube down his throat for his nutrients because his attitude was "Only M&M's thank you very much." I think that sounds like a real good idea tonight.
* Tonight I will refuse to be held back or held down just like Tuffy was. If someone says "you need to sleep" I will stay awake with laughter. If someone says, you need to rest your body, I will play harder. If someone says you can't, I will show them in no uncertain terms I CAN one way or another ( and with Tuffy this meant even if he had to use his syrupy, sweet voice to guilt nurses into giving him what his mama said no to! That cutie patootie!) Defy the odds. Rise up. Go forward. That's what I will do tonight, in spite of the blow that came.
* Tonight I will remember whom it is that I serve and I will KNOW that HE is ABLE. Eathan lived in a way that was beyond his years. He had a peace that passed ALL understanding. His child-like faith was full and real and contagious. He KNEW whom it was that we serve and he KNEW that HE was ABLE, in spite of his pain, his suffering, and ultimately his death, Eathan KNEW and it showed in his joy. Tonight, in spite of the sadness, I WILL have joy because I KNOW whom it is I serve and He IS able!
* Tonight, I will not be defined by the things that are difficult. I will be defined by my Savior. Things may be hard with circumstances and Todd's illness, and adoption issues, and disappointments, and, and, and... but I am NOT defined by the things that are difficult. I am defined by my Savior. Eathan never lost sight of who he was in Christ. He may not have had the words to say that at such a young age, but his spirit SCREAMED it. He was NOT his illness. He was not his suffering. He was his Savior's child.
* Tonight, I will watch my favorite show, hold my favorite things (my hubby and my kids), I may even color a good old fashioned coloring book because the difficult things just make the simple pleasures more absolutely wonderful. Tuffy did that every day. I shall do it tonight.
* Tonight I will pat those I love and tell them over and over, "I Lu you" because those words heal hurts, lift spirits, inspire goodness, and extend the hand of Jesus in the midst of tough things. The day Eathan died, he said it over and over and over. Those words carried me through dark, dark days following, knowing they were said through him, but as a gift from my Father. I will make sure and say it so much tonight that my family giggles the way I did that precious last day.
And most importantly, Tonight, I will fold my chubby hands (though my chubby hands aren't nearly as cute as Eathan's precious chubby hands) and I will pray to Jesus with the same deep faith that my terminally ill little boy did day after day. I will pray to the One true God, Who was, Who is, and Who is to come. I will not wait for Him to answer me before I praise Him. I will praise Him because He is God and deserves my praise no matter what happens. I will accept that He is God and He is enough, no matter how hard it is to breathe sometimes. And I will pray believing that He in fact has a plan for me, for you, for each of us. It is a plan for GOOD and NOT for EVIL. It is a plan to prosperous and not harm us. A Plan to give us a future and a hope. I will call to Him and I will seek Him with all of my heart... and because of that I WILL find Him. And He will answer me. Then I will lift my head, and I will scream in my heart... IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL!
And then I will avoid combustion which is much more messy of a process and I will know that His way really is the best way! Todd will be healed. Adoption issues will be worth every hard step. The joy of my children will continue to overwhelm my heart. And Satan will be defeated and I will be a laughing rather than combusting like he hoped when he hit below the belt. So THERE Satan...
Dear Father, please tell Eathan I love him so much and his lessons live on! Please tell him the nuggets of the day are wonderful reminders of YOU through him. And please tell him I just found out tonight that a sweet girl who once babysat him, is having her first baby... and she is naming him ETHAN after my sweet boy! What JOY! What JOY! What JOY!!!!
Signing off to go eat M&Ms....
Robin
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