letting go....

Today has been a day of letting go of things.... again.  Seems no matter what, letting go comes around again and again.  It takes on many forms.  It comes in many flavors. It even has different emotional responses, some good and some bad.  But no matter what form, flavor, or emotional response reaction, the one consistent thing is it is never easy.  Never.  No matter what. 

And I think for me, the reason it comes around so often (or at least it feels like it can be so often) is to be a continual reminder to myself that I am a work in progress and never, ever get comfortable in my walk with Christ, assuming I have this "life" thing under control.  Are you right there with me, by chance? 

Maybe some of you, maybe many of you, have got it down.  It would be of no big surprise to me if many of you have it down better than me.  I will be the first and loudest to confess I am such, such, such a work in progress that I have to re-learn some of the same lessons over and over.  And because of that God gives me things to work through so that my "in progress" can get an inch or two better here and an inch or two better there. 

Honestly, sometimes I just look up and remind Him it's just going to take a full blown miracle to get things worked out fully in me.  I know He must laugh, nod His head, and say, "Uh, yes, I know!  I am God!  I more than anyone, know how much of a miracle it will take!" 

But He never gives up and never stops challenging me (because He loves me that much... and I can't seem to let go of the shock that reality brings every single time I process the idea and proof behind it)...  And today was no different.  So here is my letting go practice of  today.... just today!

1. letting go of time.  * Whether I like it or not, summer has come and gone. I have now entered a regular weekend leading to a regular work week. *Whether I like it or not, I have all my kids about to enter the next grade *whether I like it or not, I am one day closer to another year older (even though I somehow lost a year of my life thinking I was a year less, which means this birthday will really feel like I have aged 2 years in one) *whether I like it or not, I have lived another day without Tuffy.... and that adds up to a lot of days without him. Time.... I struggle so much with letting go of time, sometimes.
2. letting go of trying to find a way to help my parents move taking place back home, while I am so far away.  I can't be there.  I can't do what I need to do.  And it hurts.
3. letting go of the projects I didn't get to over the summer,  but needed to wait for a better time financially while we took care of some "unexpecteds" instead of what we wanted to do... and knowing the craziness of balancing family, with work, with fall schedules of the kids will keep me from it for a while longer.  For some reason today it all came crashing down.  They aren't done and time is up.
4. letting go (again) of trying to believe that surely  parents will monitor kids the way I want them to, only to realize again the ball is dropped.  (But how thankful I am for my freshman son who is trustworthy and filled up with integrity to be as offended by it as I am!  Makes it so much easier to take.)
5. hurting from a text from a friend who attended the funeral of a sweet baby not intended to linger on earth knowing the pain those young parents are enduring at the new process of the hardest kind of letting go.

Today really has been a great day.  I had great fun with friends.  I had fun with my kids.  I had fun with my new IPAD.  My neighbor surprised me by paying to have my curb painted with my address number... just because she wanted to bless me somehow today for no real reason. I had a great time talking to a life-long friend on the phone again after such a long time.  I didn't wear make-up... and I love it when I don't wear makeup! I listened to my youngest read which is always great joy.  I soaked my feet in my foot spa which is the closest thing I will ever get to a foot massage because of my intensely ticklish feet.  I cooked a mean brisket that hit the spot. I took funny pictures with my kiddo and we laughed so hard my belly hurt.  I listened to my dramatic flair play all by herself with her dolls she brings to life.... which is one of my most cherished pass times..........Yes, my last official day of summer 2011 was pretty sweet indeed.

But still yet,  I have had to work through some letting go's all day long again and it is always, always, always hard work in the heart area... because I am a work in progress.  Thankfully tonight, as I get ready to close out the evening and go veg in front of the TV a while, I am humbly blessed to know that those things are just evidence that God continues to love me enough to provide growth experiences through having to let things go.  Who am I to deserve a God of such power and authority yet still knows me so personally that He knows what to allow in my daily walk to work things out in my "in progress" process?

Who am I?  Who are you?  We are adopted by the King which gives us favor we weren't born with and sure don't deserve.  And that is the one thing I will never, ever, ever, ever have to learn to let go of.  And therefore, that is forever enough.... no matter what else I have to grow through.

hanging on where I can....

Robin