opportunities...

What a day.... VBS, a workshop, some down time with the kids, guitar lessons, a phone call that opened doors, a phone call that closed doors, a phone call that allowed a God moment with my teen daughter, a text that broke my heart....and at the end, my heart is open wide for Christ, expecting His best...because that is what He always gives.

It is late and I have an early morning, but I just had to sit and write... that therapy thing I do.  Sometimes I hear from others that my blog somehow blessed them.  But then, I read a tweet from #rickwarren that said something along the lines of "I haven't blogged up until this point because a blog tends to make one think that everything they have to say is important..."  Between those two, here is my response... loud and clear (I write this as much for me as for anyone who may be reading along right now). 

I don't know who reads this, or why, or what it says or doesn't say to you about life or about me.  I don't and won't take credit if it somehow blesses you and likewise, I don't apologize if it somehow bothers you that I wrote it. Why?  Because I honestly don't sit and write here assuming ANYTHING I have to say is going to have the affect of a blessing.  I am not the one that gets to do that.  That is reserved for the One True God alone.  He is the One that has power to bestow blessings. And even more so, I don't sit here assuming anyone is even reading, and if you are reading it's by choice, which means you have the choice NOT to read as well...which means I can or cannot think what I say is a hill of beans, but the real factor of that isn't in my lap at all... no matter how much I type. Point:  Do you have any idea how many law books are in the library that have detailed opinions and claims?  Know how many I have read?  ZILCHO... NODDA.... They aren't what I am interested in, they do not benefit me in anyway that I have found to make me want to read them, and therefore I don't.  The authors probably have a lot to say.  Someone probably has an interest to read.  But it isn't me.  How foolish if I would think, in my "peon" writings, I would be any different than such scholars as the authors of such profound legal works? 

Nope, I don't write in this blog expecting anything on the other end of it. I type this for the sole purpose of expressing my heart... and sorting through the spiritual journey God has me on.  There is just something about the keyboard and me... we work things out and my heart grows in the process... closer to the One I am inspired to write about each and every time!  So, if this blesses you somehow... Glory to God.  And Pastor Rick Warren, you are a WISE man and I love your wealth of teaching and preaching, but I say BLOG!  No one has to read and if God gives you an avenue to have an outlet for His glory... do it!  (NOW I AM LAUGHING!  As if PASTOR RICK WARREN would read MY blog!  Hee Hee Hee!  See how fun this is!)

Now that I got off on that tangent, let me head back to where I began.  What. A. Day.  You know those days when you are certain of particular things you need to bathe in prayer but then other things arise that cause you to swiftly retreat into knee bent position and even though some of it is hard or sad or confusing, you just feel peace?  That is the kind of day I am having.... and I love it... which is why I am still up, typing about it over my beloved keyboard at 12:40 am. 

I don't know what kind of day anyone else had, but I would be willing to guess I am not the only one thinking, wow... didn't see THAT coming... or THAT... and REALLY didn't see THAT coming.  Some of it good... some of it so very sad.... some of it really neither... just didn't see it coming.  And at the end of it all, just before the head meets the pillow, somehow the common thread through it all was God's hand... totally... completely... without a doubt... visible. 

I wonder if Eathan actually SAW Jesus sometimes.  I can see evidence of Jesus all through my life and my days... especially on today kind of days.... but I wonder if Eathan actually SAW Him.  I mean I KNOW he did the night he went home... I could tell by his face.  I speak of that often... it is well worth speaking of.  Jesus was IN MY CAR visible to my son, because his face was THRILLED to die to this earth!  But I have to wonder, did he see Jesus at other times.  When I see the evidence of His working all around me in things, did Eathan actually see HIM.  Wouldn't that change things... if we actually saw HIM... not just the evidence of Him, not just the movement of Him through the Holy Spirit, but like SAW Him standing there in front of us actually using His physical hands to work these things out that we deal with in life?

I really think Eathan did.  I think in all those life and death moments we touched on so, so often in his medical journey, Jesus was so close to him, he SAW Him.  I do.  And I think that explains so much as to why that little guy lived his life like he did with such pain and suffering to his little body.  I think God knew Eathan needed Jesus in a very tangible way and because Jesus was so very near to our little guy, His presence touched any and all of us that loved him in a way that I crave every day. 

I would never EVER want to relive the pain.  It still hurts so bad now I can taste it like it was yesterday.  But I have to say, I sometimes grieve how absolutely tangible Jesus was to me too... though I never SAW him.  I felt Him so close to me as I watched my son slip away over the course of those eighteen months, that I tasted of Him and KNEW that He was GOOD! 

Days like today, when all this "stuff" takes place and I sit at the end of the day saying, "WOW God!  What ARE you up to?" and I feel the deep anticipation of how near He is... I quiver inside... because I remember when EVERY day was like that... in Eathan's journey. 

Tonight, as I head to bed, I am writing because I needed to cherish His movement today and thank Him aloud in my writing and in my heart for the evidence He has given over and over in my life, that gives me the courage to speak boldly to a hurting friend that I really can claim things WITHOUT sight because I never saw Him back then, but he was THERE so clear I feel my son did! 

I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else that might take the time to read this rambling of my heart tonight... but let me sum it up by saying this...He walked the earth.  He died on a cross.  He defeated that grave.  He is coming again.... and until then He is HERE in whatever form He knows we need Him to be until He comes for to carry us HOME! 

He has shown up in a unsuspecting man's choice of words over a decision we were making as a family.  He showed up in a prayer request for a teen in trouble, that allowed words to flow out to my own adopted daughter in rebellion.  He showed up in a text conversation that allowed me to revisit for them so very precious foundations I live by.  He gave me self control when I needed it.  He showed up at VBS with joyful kids.  He showed up in smiles, in green lights that are usually red, in a nice cookout patio time with the family... impromptu... He showed up in my dogs tails wagging.  He showed up in new friends.  He showed up in sweet blessings that made little girls smile... and "match".  He showed up in my little daughter "writing" another "God-song" and singing in the most beautiful off-key, sweet,  little voice I have ever heard.  He showed up in my parents making it safely home from a trip.  He showed up......

Thank you God.  I shall sleep tonight asking You, please, if you can, show up even in my dreams and I will awake tomorrow knowing again... you WILL show up!

Watch with me, no matter what you are going through... just watch with me!  He WILL show up!

Robin