reflcetions are propelling....

New Years has officially begun for me today.  Yes, I know, it was really a Saturday thing, but for me, it isn't real until I have to write the date on something or be a part of something "New Year" related.  The weekend for me was filled with more fun and relaxing with my family and it wasn't until the alarm clock went off and I headed back to work that it really felt 2011.  So yesterday was really my New Year.  But what does that really mean anyway? 

For many, it means, resolutions, commitments, plans for a better year than the last.  For me, it does encompass many of those things for sure.  I want to drop the cokes, drop some pounds, add some exercise, and be better this year than the year before emotionally, physically, mentally, and especially spirituallly.  I want to build on what Christ has already done and allow Him to do more.  Definitely want to do those things and stay committed to them.  But mostly what happens to me in a New Year's beginning, is lots of reflection on where I have been in the year prior.

If I have learned nothing else, I have realized over the seasons in my life, I have no control of what is to come.  I can "plan" all I want, but the reality, life is a surprise.  Some are good surprises and some are surprises,that if I had the choice, I would go my whole life without.  But either way, life is full of them.  No matter the plans we think we have laid out, life happens and suddenly we are spinning in the next "whoa! I didn't see that coming" moment in time.

And I guess because of all the many twists and turns my life has taken in spite of my "plans", the New Year really just gives me a wonderful reason to look back and see how all the surprises, both positive and negative, worked themselves out along the course of the year.  It is good to remember.  In case you haven't noticed, this whole blog is built around remembrances of the beautiful life lessons that have come from being Eathan's mom... in his living and in his death.  Whatever would be the point of that beautiful boy dying, if I didn't choose to remember and seek the beauty in the "nows" that have been enhanced because of what I have learned from watching him live.... and die?  Yes, remembrances are such a good, good thing!

Further more, yes, even the painful things, where it is difficult to see any beauty at all in the situations, are good to remember and reflect because even in the most dark, ugly corners of our experiences, growth can be found if we remember. For it is not where we were, but where we have made it to that makes those things acceptable.  If we don't remember the worst, dark, painful, places, how we will we truly celebrate making it so far out of them? So I m pausing and pondering some of my reflections over 2010 and encourage you to do the same.  But I warn you, don't look back to sorrow or to regret.  Of course there will be things that hurt or that you wish you could have made be different, but don't sorrow over it.  Just reflect and learn from it... from it ALL... and then do what I intend to do most in this New Year of 2011... let God lead me from it forward.  His will... His way.... His time...  for He is good and that NEVER changes!

My reflections in a nutshell.... 
my blessed family... my precious husband.. all of my children.  Continued remembrance of those I love that have gone home.  Continued celebrations of those that have blessed us so much that are nearing going home.  Elated in new, deepening friendships that are obviously God's design.  Missing those precious, lasting friends that miles divide, but heart connections remain and the relationships are steady, constant, certain.  Bended knee for healing in many ways for some I love.  Bended knee working on forgiveness of some who don't have any idea how they have hurt me.  Bended knee for the Lord to lead as only He can.  Bended knee for my kids... their nows and their tomorrows that are in God's hands.  Thankfulness for needs met in so many ways.  Humble gratitude for blessings out of nowhere.  Loving being my parents daughter, realizing every year a little more than the one before just how absolutely great they are.  Acceptance in change... some we expected, some that blind sided us, yet opened our eyes.  Hope that cannot be squelched by circumstance or person.  The continued love of my dogs.  How my heart grows with each new special needs student I have the honor of teaching and loving.  Understanding peace that passes all understanding.  Letting go of unhealthy things. Our new home.  rain. amazing neighbors.  Fellowship. Prayer partners. laughter.  Tears.  TEARS.  LAUGHTER.  the LIVING word of God. Opened doors for witness where I have grown more than what I have shared. A precious little guy named Kyle.  He captured my heart in one chance meeting... I sense a spirit like Eathan's.  sweat pants and hoodies and every once in a while having cool enough weather to wear them and pretend its winter down here. Letting go. Holding on. Encouragement. support.  Love. HOPE.  Christ. 

I could go on and on... probably would if it wasn't late and I didn't have to work.  But lucky for you, I have to wind down so I can have a chance to wake up!  2011... a year drawing us closer to our HOME coming.  Are you ready?  As I reflect back, I can't help but anticipate forward! 

I am now off to listen to the crashing thunder in our January storm.  I love the POWER in that sound.  So like GOD isn't it?

Robin