frustrations can lead to freedom

You know how it feels when the dark clouds close in, the rain begins to pour, thunder and lightening begin to crash all around, but then suddenly, a slight hint of sun peeks through, so you know there is sunshine just around the corner? That's where I'm at right now. I have had some pretty heavy clouds this week, and lots of thunder, but a ray of the sun keeps peeking through and I know, just around the curve is glorious sunshine.

Today I am writing out of a personal need to simply release. I find writing to be one of my most theraputic outlets. Its like I can sort through my thoughts better through my fingertips than any other way. Today was a good day. A day with a hint of the sun's rays, kind of day, in the midst of a very tough week. I am so grateful when those hints of hope arrive and I know they are to be celebrated. They are intentional gifts from God, knowing I need just enough light to keep me chasing the full blown clear sky glow! :) And today's hint of hope gave me a nugget I wanted to pass along. It's only fitting because my son lived it best, and he is part of the reason this week is a tough one.

His birthday is Saturday. Another year has slipped away and that special day is arriving again. I have said a million times how that makes my heart feel so I won't go there today. Instead, I will just say, my nugget for the day was lived out beautifully by my son and I must say, his eruption of sunshine around the curve was far more beautiful than I can ever comprehend, this side of heaven. Until he crossed that threshold into eternity, he was simply given a hint of the light along the way, but somehow, it was always more than enough to keep him going, loving, and blessing. Have I ever told you he is my hero?

So lets get to the point here.. the nugget.. which is we have to intentionally stop listening to the thunder and check out the tiny slit in the clouds that lets the light beam through. If you pay attention to it, it is pretty life-stopping because it is so small in comparison to the storms brewing around it, but the fact is, it reveals the light IS there and will overcome the darkness soon. We have to live for the ray of hope inspite of how much Satan tries to bring our way in the form of ugly storms and difficulties.

The thing that I have learned through all that life has piled on from time to along the way, is that if there isn't some struggles along the way, there isn't purpose, and without purpose, there isn't freedom. And where freedom is, there is light that cannot be contained. And Freedom comes only when we walk His journey for our lives, where true purpose is found, knowing it won't be the easy road most of the time, but we choose to go it anyway, even if it means feeling all alone and almost defeated. We go it because we believe in His plan when not one thing seems right in the battle knowing we soldier on from the heart for His Kingdom good... with joy! Eathan was good at this. His life had deep purpose, beyond what his young age could have every understood, and against all odds stacked so unfairly against him. Because of his innocent trust, he was a prime example of how God supplies joy in the most unexpected ways, against the very things that are making life most difficult.

And because I watched Eathan survive through his innocent hope and joy until he met his Maker and found the full cascade of the SON'S rays, I try hard to remember to look for the slightest parting in the storm clouds, knowing that is what will propell me to keep on keeping on. No matter what circumstances are in play that feel almost overwhelming and cruel, I make it to the next moment, next hour, the next day, in greater ease than I ever expected in the moments I forgot and I let my focus slip from His promise to the circumstances at play. Always, when I choose to look back to the hope, the clouds seem much less threatening and suddenly, out of nowhere come those hidden blessings that reveal the evidence that the sunshine awaits... just hang on.

I miss him on his birthday weekend. But honestly, I miss him always. When I look at it that way, I see that this weekend will come and go and I will reamin full of hope. I know it because I have lived it over and over. And I know when things are difficult with other circumstances, because of what I have experienced so many times before, that I will be just fine. I will because I am watching the same ray of light that shone so brightly right straight down on Eathan his entire journey through illness, to death, to eternal living!

So I am refusing to pay attention to the heavy clouds that are hanging out. I am believing good things for my family, my friends, my students, my coworkers, even my preious animals! I am refusing to see anything but that beautiful ray of hope peeking through. I will keep following Christ and doing my best in my imperfections to seek to do His will. And I am celebrating early that the sunshine is going to burst through! He promised me and each of you!

Happy hope-hunting to all!

Robin