Thank God for interrupting the cycle!

Last week was a HUGE milestone for our family.  We drove our BABY to camp, where she would spend a week apart from us... and any other human being she knows, without even a phone call in between.  I can't express the lump in my throat that started when we hugged goodbye and lasted pretty much until the moment her face lit up upon seeing us at the closing ceremonies. 

I have sent all of my kids off for one camp or experience, but she is my BABY.  She is growing up faster than the rest and I am not keeping up with being ready, I am afraid!  She was born independent and I know that I will watch her soar in things far sooner than I am ready for the rest of my life!  I love it in so many ways, but part of me wants to prevent it because I know from my older teens, just how fast time goes. 

But alas, she went and the time for her was beyond wonderful.  We watched for her on the camp photo gallery and when she would pop up in a picture, her joy screamed through the photo.  She was having the time of her life!  It gave me such great joy to see her contagious smile and obvious excitement about what she was experiencing.  But the lump remained. 

When our eyes met as she bounded into closing ceremonies, I thought my heart would leap out of my chest!  Though her time was beyond blessed, it was clear she was as thrilled to see us as we were to see her.  She looked over to us off and on the entire time and the second, the SECOND, they kids were released to come find us, she bolted into my arms. 

We could have made a movie scene out of it, it was so picture perfect.  She caught my gaze, I bent down, she ran, and we hugged as if it had been a year.  (okay, okay so she comes by her dramatic flair genetically!)

Since then we have had non-stop retells of her adventures and opportunities and I am almost certain she grew a foot while away.  Though I have experienced those exact emotions many times before as my children left for this or that, there is something so different... so final... when the BABY takes the leap! 

What a summer.  I feel like I should write a song.... kind of like the song by Bruce Springsteen, "The Summer of 69"... about the Summer of 2012.  It is one of those monumental summers for our family.  But somehow, I think I won't forget any detail because I have a feeling my Dramatic Flair will be retelling it until time to head off again next summer!  And I love it!

But beyond the joy of her experiences, I have the adult view.  And this summer of her first camp has opened my eyes yet again to some life lessons.  Some really precious, and some, not so much.  But all worth reflecting so here I sit. 

My husband just walked through and said, "What are you doing?"  I said, "Blogging, why?"  He said, "Because if I could have just taken a picture of you... it would be worth a thousand words!"  I said, "Why, what was I doing?"  He said, "I don't know what you are writing about, but your whole body was just smiling!"  Yes, that pretty much sums me up when I write. 

So consider yourself warned.... fingers are about to FLY!

This summer has been a tough one for our family, for lots of reasons.  Obviously, we are still in a deep struggle with things with our oldest daughter.  Her pre-adoption issues are so strong right now and we are trudging our way through all that is bringing to our family and our lives. It is something you can't prepare for, aren't sure how to relate to, and absolutely have no answers for.  So you pray and take one day, one moment at a time.  Some days I almost feel like we are normal again, but some days, man that thick cloud is hanging heavy and the darkness feels very threatening. 

I wish I could say that has been the only struggle.  It would be more than enough.  But there has been more.

We have had to face some pretty tough realities in our new location of living.  This place is wonderful.  We love it in so many ways.  But when you are from the Panhandle of Texas, the place of open skies and friendly faces,where you grew up and existed all of your life, it becomes very clear what it leaves in the gap by not having those deep roots in a new place .  I have said our third year here has been the most difficult for adjusting.  This is the year it kind of really set in that we live here. 

We aren't new anymore.  We certainly aren't yet rooted here.  So we have found ourselves in that place of figuring out what that feels like and looks like..in the midst of this terrible storm.  It exposes how much you miss the familiar and deep and it exposes just how excluding life can be, yet how exciting all at once to experience new together as a family, with only each other to see it through.  It's a strange reality for sure. 

The hardest part is not for me.  I do certainly miss those relationships of friendships (and of course, my family) that are so dependable that before you even know what you need in a crisis, they are already meeting them.  I miss the relationships in my daily life that have span the years and I don't have to try to explain where something began because they were there and lived it, like  with my adopted daughter for instance. 

I have friends and family that were there through the infertility, the loss of the baby, the cancer, the failed adoptions, the miracle births from the womb, the miracle adoptions, the disease and death.... on and on.  They were there.  They know it from the inside.  So when things are tough now, they have the history and the understanding.  I miss that (and am so thankful for social media that keeps us much more easily connected to the day-to-day, even while so far apart). 

But, even while missing them so, God has given me a few precious people that, especially this summer, have really stood by me and been there in a way that feels "old friendship".  It has been a gift and a blessing. 

But the thing that camp (the kind that you show up alone and meet all new people) reminded me of, especially in this summer of 2012, is how much of a blessing it is for kids when they all arrive on equal turf.  Everyone is there to meet new friends and experience new things, not deal in cliques or groups. No one cares who knew who, when, or where, they just bond and become one.  It's so precious and beautiful to observe.

I watched my little 8-year-old bound into a cabin, my heart pounding, and within two minutes 6 little girls were circled up talking about who was sleeping where and how excited they were.  It was such a glorious thing to sit back and watch!  It is why we choose to send our kids on these kind of camp experiences, and not just church camps because we love to see God bring kids together without former pre-conceptions or cliques. 

And it made me wish that is how it was here.  And back home.  But, especially here. 

I wish with all my heart (not just for my kids who are actually pretty blessed in being accepted, but for all kids) kids from the elementary age all the way through to high school would stop determining to include some and exclude others.  I wish even more their parents would. 

I wish all kids could be seen and accepted as equal no matter their size, shape, skin color, intelligence, or financial status.  I wish that the start of school and the end of school and all through the summer could be like camp, where kids are all equal and see each other only from that light.  It is such a beautiful, Christ-like way to live.  But it is so hard to find in the "real world."  We are all guilty in one way or another. 

Taking my kids to camp inspires me to remember to not worry about the status of the world, but the heart of Christ.  It makes me want to seek out those that others talk about and reject... because in the reality, we really are all on equal turf, whether we admit it or not.  We all fall short of the glory of God... so we all need Christ's saving grace.  Period and end of sentence. 

My kids  (okay and me too, still and forever on earth I guess!) are learning (or re-learning in a new way) not everyone that appears to be your friend, really is, so cherish the ones that are.  Learn to accept the ones that just aren't and pray for them.  Don't allow bitterness and pain to take over, because then the victory goes to the enemy, who's only goal is to kill and destroy. 

Love others even when they don't care enough to love you back and move forward with those that demonstrate that they really are there for you... even if those in number are very few.  It is not quantity, but quality where it counts.  Difficult lessons, but important to learn none-the-less.

Camp also reminded me again, how nice it really was "back in the day" when we could take off out our front door and our mom and dad didn't worry unless we didn't show up for lunch as we were supposed to.  Our world of mean and evil, particularly in the assault of our young and innocent children, has crippled the social ability to get out there and "make it happen." 

Camp is that secure place where the kids roam free (within the safe walls of their environment) and along with their cabin-mates, meet all kinds of kids and have all kinds of freedom in their fun.  It is amazing.  In real- life reality, I can't let my little girl out the front door without a close, watchful eye because who really knows what is lurking just around the bend.  If you don't know the neighbor personally, the child doesn't go, because who really knows where the next predator will be found.  It is a travesty of our real-world living, that camp simply erases.  Oh, how I love that.

Finally, camp restructures our thinking.  It breaks the cycle that we have gotten caught up in... even if we aren't the ones that attend.  Experiencing camp through her eager and excited arrival and now the retells, has broken my cycle of feeling sad for the things that have disappointed and hurt lately and opened me back up to all the glorious things still ahead, even before I can see them.  Sometimes, we get so caught up in what is happening in our face, that we forget how miraculous the freedom really is when we find ourselves just running free in Jesus. 

That's where my baby is right now!  She is just running free in Jesus! And it is contagious. 

My teen son , recently also had a similar experience.  He went to camp with his church, but his true life-changing cycle-breaker this summer (it't tough to cope with some of the things we deal with due to his adopted sister) was his ministry opportunities to the Chinese the last few weeks. He made a choice to give up athletic camp and some travel plans we had, to instead serve Christ every day all day.  He served as one of 9 youth leaders to a large group of kids that came to our country to get immersed into our culture. 

Because he chose to immerse himself in the opportunity to serve this way, he was able to have some deep conversations with a couple of them that he really bonded with and realized he was able to be a part of something so much bigger than himself and any high school drama out there.  He was able to be a part of seeing one in particular accept Christ and it set him on fire!  It was thrilling!  These guys, who otherwise would just see the bible as one stated, "A book with really good stories", were able to talk and share and understand that Jesus was so much more than a really good man with really good stories.  One guy, when my son asked him about how he felt about whethere he believed now or not said, "Yes.  I do.  I can find no reason not to believe in this Jesus."  So powerful!

And because of that, he stopped sweating the small stuff and the cliques that drive him crazy and instead re-focused on the King and the amazing things He is doing all around.  He has surrendered to a calling of mission work on his life a while back, and this summer re-kindled the deep assurance that God is going to allow him to be used to reach the lost somehow, someway. 

He, like my daughter, is looking forward.  He has some friends that he knows are on his side, he has a ministry for Christ that isn't just for his future but for right now, and he is looking forward with anticipation.

As am I. 

It's not easy and even as I type, things surface in my thoughts of all the things that "could be" and "have been".  "Stop it Satan.  Get outta my head!"  And the best way I do that is close my eyes and remember camp.  Camp for my daughter this year, other experiences with other kids at camp, and of course, I go back to my own experiences at camp.

Life is good and camp reminds us to keep our focus clear. 

Goodbye fog... goodbye cloudy... HELLO SUNSHINE!

Now... off to hear some more details... praying you have the fog removed as well!

Robin

total abandon....

Today is another one of those really, really hard days.  Many of you already know it is my sweet Eathan's birthday.  Every year its hard.  Every year I miss him and want to hug him and celebrate the way I do with all of my children.  But this year is even harder because he would have been 13.  It is one of the big milestone moments that we never reached and that opened up a hurt I wasn't fully expecting today. 

It's hard to fathom really, what he would be like.  When his life on this earth ended, so did the understanding of who exactly he would evolve into.  I can imagine and guess, but this side of heaven, those are the things that will forever be unanswered and incomplete.  And on big milestone days like the day he should have become a teen, the emotions are thick and deep as to what he could have been and from my Mom view... should have been. He was remarkable and beautiful and smart and fun and loving and kind and precious.  It is hard every day to know it ended so soon, but on these days, when he should have been hitting a major milestone, it is just flat unfair. 

But the thing is, even in the middle of my emotions, the reality of "fair" is not the issue. God never promised us a life of "fair".  He never promised that if we follow Him we will get everything we want, the way we want.  He never said every earthly viewed dream will come true.  Nope. He didn't say it, nor would He ever be about that.  Why?  God is a God of love, hope, peace.  Why wouldn't He fulfill our every dream when we choose to follow Him? Simple really... because He is about the things we CANNOT see.  To give us all we want, the way we want it on this earth, would lower Him to our earthly pursuit of life as we see it, and therefore sabotage Him being who He says He is...Sovereign. 

The reality is, on this hard milestone day for our family in our remembrance of the birth of that precious son of ours, though He cares deeply for our every hurt and every tear, God is Sovereign and He alone ordained our sons days.  Not one day too soon, according to God, did our son depart for Heaven.  Not one day too soon.  Even though I never saw him hit double digits.  Even though I never saw him become 13.  Even though I won't celebrate his 16th or his 18th.  I want watch him graduate High School.  I would see the career he pursues through college.  I will never see the girl he would have fallen in love with.  I won't witness his joy when she walks down the isle to become his wife.  I will never see him melt when he holds his first born child for the first time.  I won't see his pain when he has to do the hard parenting for the first time.  Still yet, God is sovereign because I know that no matter what my heart aches for in my earthly awareness,  my sweet Eathan did not go home even one day too soon.

So where does that leave me in my sadness of this day?  What can I possibly gain today that I haven't already worked through a thousand times before when it hit like a bullet through my heart that I was missing something I never would have chosen to miss in that little guy's life again today on what would have been his 13th?  Today, a friend wrote to me, "I KNOW our Father will have a precious, personal word for you today. After you ponder His words in your heart for a while, I pray you will be able to share them with us. (((hugs)))"  Karen, you know our God.  He did, I have... and now I am thankful to get to share. 

Yes, I have had many times over these years of grasping life with my Tuffy missing from them, to sort through and grow with Christ.  I have learned to trust in the hard moments.  I have learned to wait and anticipate Him doing something bigger than that moment.  I have experienced healing and hope in so many ways I could never have enough time to blog it all.  But today, yet again, God took me somewhere new. 

The word that has come over and over today is abandon.  "Robin, I am looking today, in this moment of your sadness, for your total abandon."  That was with me starting in church this morning during our praise music time.  I  was singing in that place of hurt, unable to even keep my eyes on the screen, because I was needing to escape into Christ so badly I couldn't handle the distraction of seeing the words on the screen. 

I was trying to think of Jesus and not how sad I felt in the slowness of the worship song, and like a gentle whisper I heard, "Abandon."  "What God?  Abandon what?  I don't know how to leave this pain.  I want to.  I am able to most days.  God you know I have found my joy again from this tragedy, for a long time now!  What are you asking of me?  Today hurts!  I miss him!  I miss not knowing who he would be and what he would look like at 13?  How can I abandon that and not abandon who I am as his mom?"  Silence followed.  I kept singing, kept praying, kept fighting that lump in my throat.  Silence.  Waiting.  Nothing.

The music part of worship ended and a video clip came on introducing the sermon series... "Happy people".  Our pastor came to the stage and looked around and said "I am looking around.  Are you happy people?"  Funny, I usually am.  But today, I felt myself want to say out loud, "NOPE!  HE WOULD HAVE BEEN 13 TODAY!!!"  Instead I looked at Todd and whispered it.  He reached out and touched my hand and gave me that understanding look I needed, and we joined our pastor as he led us in prayer.

The sermon was rich and inviting.  Oh how God has a desire to bless us.  How He has a desire to meet our needs and heal our hurts.  "God?  Answer me!  What do you mean, abandon?"  Nothing.  The pastor begins to wrap up and then he introduces us to a man named Kenneth.  He is a brother in Christ with a provocative testimony that hit me in the gut.  That poor man was taught in a horrid way, at only the age of 5, to hate... and I mean HATE white people.  He was taught that was his only way to survive in the deep south in that day and age and he owned that hate from that day forward until he met Jesus.  The radical change in his life when he found Jesus, led him to the cross, to forgiveness of himself for his hate and for others of whom he had hated.  He was so radically transformed that he said, and I quote, "I am now married to the whitest white woman around and we have four of the most beautiful 'german chocoloate' children."  Transformation. 

But even in that powerful testimony, I wasn't hearing what God was asking of ME.  I am not filled with hate over the death of my son.  I do not resent God or man for what didn't go the way I wanted.  I am able to love others even though that time was harsh.  I feel I am open to being used to minister to others because of my experiences and I am open to and actually crave opportunities to use my hurt in loss and pain to be a part of helping others.  I don't feel stuck in my grief and I completely feel that losing Eathan is not what my life is about today.  It is a part of my today, but it in no way controls my today.  If I feel God can use my story, I tell it.  If I can share the wisdom gained from the ongoing journey of living through it, I share.  But I am not prisoner to the past and the loss.  I just hurt more on days like today and I miss him every day.  I think God is okay with that because I know that is the result of the love we shared... and God says, "But the greatest of these is LOVE." 

So... "WHAT GOD?  What are you trying to say to me?"  Silence.  Waiting. Nothing....Until my rebellious daughter, who just back-peddled again this week, walked into the room.  Right in that moment it hit.  "ABANDON".  My message for today was not about letting go of my hurt today.  His word to me of "abandon" had nothing to do with my sadness.  I had his permission to miss and feel sad about my son turning 13.  I even feel like He rejoices that I do love my children that deep... for I know from my own adopted children's biological start in life... not all parents do, unfortunately.  Nope, "Abandon" had nothing to do with that at all.

Today God was saying to me and I think for any of you that might be in what seems a senseless struggle in comparison to the real pain in the world, "Live abandoned in the middle of WHATEVER you are feeling, so that those who refuse, might see".  Today, through that word,  I was being commissioned back to His cause for me... right in the middle of my saddest moments of grieving fresh what I will never have with my son.  Isn't that so God? 

We talked about in our bible study hour this morning, how God doesn't wait until we are "better" to save us.  He meets us where we are.  That was a reminder again for my adopted teen daughter, as I pray for her... "God meet her where she is."  But the rest of the story today came through that one word "Abandon,"  was God saying to me, He isn't waiting for me to "feel better" today, before He uses me in this fresh new way.  Just like all the times before, God was commanding me today for ministry... right in the midst of my sadness. Even further, He was commanding me in the middle of my sadness, how I am to live it out.  

God was reminding me... there is a REASON for my sadness over Eathan not making it to 13... and it is a FRESH reason for TODAY.  It clicked.  I got it.  And I cried.  We went to see The Lion King in 3D and All the way through, I cried.  I cried and I cried.  And now I share because someone needs to hear this too.

Here is what God cleared up for me today.  We are not to stay stuck in an "old testimony."  Our losses and stories are worth sharing, but if we only have the stories from then, we are totally missing out on what He intended for the nows that started with the thens.  Is that about as clear as mud?  Stick with me... here is the thing....I will always remember what God did in the life of our son and those around us, and us, because of our son and his journey home to heaven.  Always.  I will never stop telling the stories and using those experiences to minister.

But the story did not end then.  Today, what God was telling me, and what I feel each of you need to know, is fresh things still come from what began back then.  "ABANDON!" today from God was Him saying, "Robin, quit trying to figure this thing out.  Go with it, where it is, today.  Trust me in the sadness of not seeing 13 that I am up to something just amazing through this sadness as I was the day I took Eathan home!" 

My new hurt in this new milestone means God is doing something... and it is something new!  Maybe it is with my teen daughter who just can't stay on God's path right now.  Maybe she needed to see my raw clinging to Christ new again today.  Maybe the sadness of missing 13 revealed my weakness and need for Christ in a fresh new way for her today and maybe in that she will find her way back to him.

Maybe someone reading this will.  Maybe it is you.  Maybe you have felt you have to hide the realness of what you are dealing with.  Maybe you are making excuses and blaming others as your try to escape the reality of what it is God is trying to say to you about you, in whatever you are dealing with. 

I don't know.... that is the God view.  What I do know is the word abandon for me today is translated into freedom to feel... raw, real, authentically feel the pain all over again today without shame or guilt in anyway.  It doesn't lessen my testimony of joy... it just authenticates the fact that there is joy even in sadness.  "ABANDON!"  = "FREEDOM!" 

It hurts that my son never saw 13 and never will.  I am not ashamed that I pulled in, cried, and even cried out, "unfair."  Why?  Because God Himself said for me to live "ABANDONED in HIM" and to do that, I have to lay it out as it really is.....  join me.  I am telling you... it's worth it.

Robin

back on the curb!

1 Samuel 16:7  But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”


I have had a rough week  I really have.  I am always so extremely caught off guard when someone takes something that is purely innocent and somehow distorts it into something it wasn't, isn't, and never would be, and they don't rememeber my heart! Sometimes it is an in your face situation where you are having a conversation that you mean for good and are completely misunderstood and other times it can be in a way that is behind the back and so cowardly... which I think is because they know what they are actually doing is wrong and so not meant for good.  In the big scheme of the things that matter in my life, this situation is very small.  But in the moment and because I am human, it hurt to a very deep level.

But this morning, God got me out of "me zone" and back into His zone.  My and my youngest went and did our small part in trying to help hurting people around us not have to hurt quite so much.  After the car trouble that tried to derail the plans, we were able to make it to our destination and enjoyed a time together of serving Christ.  It was amazing all over again to me, how much doing simple things like that truly changes everything.  It slams that ridiculous situation back into it's proper place and solidified yet again, the heart of the matter is all that is important.  The HEART of the matter. 

You see, if I had gone to serve today, dragging my daughter up there in a grumbling spirit after having car issues almost get in the way, then it would have been pointless to go at all.  Matter of fact, it would have been better to have stayed home.  I would not be affective for the people around me, I would have set a horrible example for my daughter in what serving for Christ is really all about,  and most certainly would have no value to the Kingdom of God.  He could care less what I do, even if it is good, if my heart is not right! 

But just the same, through every thing I do that I do with the right heart, it is fully effective for His kingdom in spite of any and all that Satan tries to do to twist it or change it or interrupt it or demean it or disrespect it, especially when He does it through people who are outwardly presenting themselves as Christians yet their behavior is hurtful and destructive.  God sees where we are coming from in every situation we are in and He sees clearly through it all and straight into the heart, no matter our presentation on the outside. 

As I left the parking lot this afternoon, I had made new friends, had hugged on a hurting friend I didn't expect to see who has a son in the hospital yet again fighting severe diabetic issues, and was able to pray for total strangers who were so busy or so hardened in their hearts they wouldn't even slow down for a small child trying to serve Jesus.  I felt the burden of my sadness of one very small situation diminish and my heart rejuvenate for what it is I am about in this hurting world... my Jesus. 

God sees our hearts.  In every situation.  No matter what we use in the world to either display it authentically or  hide it in the camouflage of outward appearance, God never misses the heart.  So when we are wrong, He knows even if we think we justified our way through the circumstances and if we are right, He knows even if we feel someone missed it altogether.  I have always known that, but it is so refreshing when He reminds me all over again!

As I was in the middle of what was going on today while serving, I could sense God so near.  I could hear His workings taking place in my heart.  I could hear Him saying, "Robin, draw near to me!  Draw near to ME!"  As we left I turned on the radio to our favorite Christian music and let my little Dramatic Flair begin her typical concert of praise in the backseat, so that I could really reflect on what it was God was meaning by saying that to me.  I know He wants me always to draw near.  So why today, was that so heavily on my heart?

Then it hit... because I am such a passion driven person, things that are wrongs in the world, can sit so deeply on me if it is something I am passionately striving for God's blessings in, just as my own sin sits heavily until I get things squared away in repentance.  And when hurt comes and people disappoint, not even always necessarily to me personally, but circumstances around me, it is personal because I am so invested.  And every single time I am caught off guard, I spin a bit.  I become so sad and hurt because to me, it seems so clear.   How could they miss what seems so clear?  And suddenly, I am in a slight tailspin. 

God knows me better than I know myself.  He knew that due to some things, I was in a slight tailspin because it was so far off of what I was expecting.  He knows that when I know I am going into battle, I do well.  I am not afraid of battle... or the cost to me during battle that He has called. He knows that even when the battle is a surprise, I am willing to buckle down and trust in blind faith He has me.  But when the battle comes from inside a camp I am supposed to be battling with and not against, I spin because that brings a level or hurt that goes straight to the core of my soul.

Today, God met me in my slight tailspin and though I would like to convince myself (and even you that are reading this) that God was sweetly drawing me near to Him as a daddy would gather a child in His arms, that's not the reality.  The true reality  in His voice today was more in line with how I felt when my niece and I were walking towards a car when she was little and she darted out in the busy street before I could grab her. I snatched her back to safety and I assure you, it was not done in gentleness and concern for how she would feel in the moment.  It was done instinctively from a spirit of "You are stepping into danger!  GET BACK HERE!"

I am telling you, since Thursday, I have been in a real struggle and though I could feel myself getting discouraged, I wasn't doing what I needed to.  I mean I was praying and I was seeking, but while still sitting out in the danger zone... the "how can they not see the heart of this" confusion zone.  That place where your heart is still right but you are looking at the wrong things. So God snatched me back today while I was serving Him and his "Robin, draw near" voice was, "you do what I have you doing.  I will take care of all of that.  Your heart is right, but that is not where I want you treading.  You do what I laid on your heart to do.  Of course there will be oppression.  Of course people will misrepresent.  And of course sometimes it will come from within your own camp!  It is no secret the enemy is at work.  I was the One who warned you to be armored and ready, remember? So get back over here, get back to work, before I paddle your backside in a harsh way for trying to go where you don't belong.  That is MY battle."

Man, my hiney almost hurts just thinking about what would be the next step,  if I didn't get back to safety, NOW.  God, like all of us as parents, will not leave us to be where He has not called.  He has not made this situation open for me to battle at this time.  He has given me specific duties and responsibilities in that battle... and yes, He is fully responsible for the deep passions.  But I am not to carry the burden.  That is His.  And today, on the way to eat, while the concert of praise was going on in the backseat by my drama queen, I felt Him hug my spirit that reaffirmed He loved my heart and my passion, but that I needed to remember I can only battle correctly when He has prepared the way. 

God is so good!  I went and pigged out on Italian Salad, laughed at the conversations my Dramatic Flair and I shared that as always are so hysterical and yet so innocent, and felt relief.  I still feel sad.  I still know things will come again, but the poor choices of others aren't holding me down.  I like that.  And even more I love God for it.

I don't know how man has disappointed you today.  Maybe a marriage has failed.  A child has rebelled.  A coworker has wronged.  A dream has died.  Disease has come.  Or someone who was from your own camp has wronged you.  We all have something.  We can't control it and we can't make it go away.  It is called LIFE.  But, what we can do is continue to allow God to make our hearts right.  When we do that, He renews us and prepares us, and carries us through the big, the small, and everything in between.  Today, as always, I am humbly thankful for the God who loves me enough that I count in His amazing grandness!

God, I am letting you do your thing the way only You can anyway!  Thanks for the reminder! 

Back on the curb and out of the street....

Robin